Page 38 of Dirty Looks

“Go,” I told her. “Enjoy your study time. And drink a glass of wine for me when you’re done.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice,” she said. “You want me to send Sheldon down if he’s free?”

“No, thanks,” I said. “I can work faster on my own. I want to get this finished so I don’t miss the interview with Astrid Nielsen.”

“Happy cutting,” she said.

I waited until the door locked behind her before I turned on my recorder and got to work.

“Victim’s driver’s license identifies him as Alan Victor Goble. Age fifty-one. Brown and brown. Height is listed as six foot one and weight one hundred and ninety pounds, but I’ll confirm with my own measurements.”

I made sure I hadn’t missed anything in the pockets of his jeans, and I checked his hands and ears for jewelry, but he wasn’t wearing any. Then I got the scissor and cut the clothes from his body.

There was no dignity in death. We all left the world the same way we came into it.

I put his clothes inside a machine that vibrated at such a high frequency that any particulates that were easily missed would be shaken out into a tray to be analyzed later.

I weighed and measured him, and notated in his chart that his actual height was just under six feet. I took pictures of theintricate tattoos down his arm, and then saw he had others on his shoulder and across his back.

“Victim has scarring across ribs six, seven, and eight. Looks like from a sharp instrument of some kind, possibly a blade. Puckered scarring along right tibia, similar to that of a bullet wound. X-rays will confirm whether the bone was fractured.”

I found several other scars as I examined the body of Alan Goble. I’d done autopsies on those who’d spent time in law enforcement before and the scars on his body were in line with a career spent in the line of duty. We’d request a copy of his medical file as well as his service file. I was interested to see how he’d come to be head of security for the Lidles.

“Cause of death—three gunshot wounds to the chest. Small caliber. Weapon currently in evidence with the King George Sheriff’s Office.”

I did a quick set of x-rays and then took a urine and blood sample. And then I prepped to make my first cut.

A little over an hour later I was rolling him into the refrigeration unit and making my last notations on his chart for Martinez. Alan Goble had been a man in the prime of his life. He’d been healthy and his system had been clean of drugs or alcohol.

I made a copy of everything, physical and digital, and then I put them on my desk to give to Martinez. I’d planned to text him and let him know I was finished, but I found myself rolling the body of Evie Lidle out and under the light.

I did another external examination, carefully checking to see if I’d missed any needle or puncture marks. How was she taken from the property without anyone hearing or seeing? I took another sample to see if her levels had changed, but there was nothing else showing up in her system but the small trace of anti-nausea medication.

She’d left that house with someone she knew. I couldn’t think of another explanation.

I moved to her feet to pull the white sheet back over the small body and felt my breath hitch. My skin tingled and my lungs burned and I could feel the weight of the world bearing down on me. She was so small. So innocent. And no one had been able to protect her. Not even the people who loved her.

I could feel something welling inside of me, and I was afraid of what it would look like if it escaped. I hurriedly pulled the sheet up and rolled her back to the refrigeration unit. And then I took the stairs two at a time and ran to my office, not bothering to check if the lab door had locked behind me.

I ran into the bathroom and turned on the shower to scalding hot, and then I stripped out of my clothes and got under the spray. The tears were falling before the water could wash them away. I crumpled to the floor of the shower, the tile cold beneath me, and wept with an abandon that I’d only ever experienced once before—when I’d found out my father was still alive.

I just needed a little time to fall apart and I’d be fine. But between the fight with Jack, seeing results for one negative pregnancy test after another, and knowing the horror that Evie Lidle had suffered in her last hours, I knew it was only a matter of time before the dam broke. The human soul could only take so much, even mine after dealing with death day in and day out.

I didn’t hear Jack come into the bathroom. I only felt his arms come around me as he lifted me into his lap and off the cold floor. He didn’t tell me to stop my tears. He just let the water fall on us both as he held me close.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m sorry I keep pushing you away. I don’t want to push you away, but it’s like I can’t help it. Every time one of those tests come back negative. I’m just so angry, and you don’t deserve to be the target.”

“We’re both dealing with our anger and disappointment in our own ways,” he said softly. “I know you’re still here. Just like I hope you know that I’m still here for you. But this is a journey we’ve never been on before. And we’re having to navigate our own paths. But what we have to decide is if we’re going to navigate together or we’re going to navigate apart. It’s okay to take time to process on our own.”

“But we’re stronger together,” I said, my hand rubbing across the hair on his chest. “I’ve missed you. I’ve needed you. I just didn’t know how to tell you that.”

“I know,” he said, and I could feel the smile in his voice. “I’d already decided I would only give you until the end of the week to brood. But after I saw your face this morning, when you finished the autopsy on Evie Lidle, I could tell you were close to breaking. I hated having to go back to that courtroom and leave you. And I came back as soon as they dismissed me.”

“Looks like it was just in time,” I said. “I was downstairs. And all I could do was stare at her. She was a child. Loved. Protected. Provided for with everything money could buy. And it still wasn’t enough. I don’t know if I can keep doing this. Keep trying to bring a child into this world. I feel like I don’t even know who I am anymore.”

“I know,” he said. And I could hear the sadness in his voice. “Maybe what we need to do is take a break.”

CHAPTER ELEVEN

---