Page 29 of A Dish Best Served Hot

Lola shook her head and decided to leave it alone for now. She had more important things to discuss with her grandfather. “I only answered because I thought it was Iván.”

Something in her tone must have tipped him off, because the look he gave her was overflowing with suspicion.

“When was the last time you talked to Iván?” She finished dealing out his final card.

Benny picked up his cards and examined them seemingly nonchalantly, but his grip was a bit too tight. “He called me last week.”

“And did you ask him about adding me to his list of approved contacts?”

He was purposefully not meeting her eyes. “We didn’t talk for long. It was only a few minutes.”

She knew exactly what that meant. Iván had said no. Again. She tossed her cards on the table. “Carajo, why won’t he let me visit him or at least talk to him on the phone?” She tried to keep the hurt out of her tone, but couldn’t. “Doesn’t he want to talk to me?” Growing up it had felt like it was the two of them against the world. Even as Iván had gotten pulled further and further into her father’s world of drugs, guns, and violence, he’d never changed how he treated her—like the most treasured person in his life. She didn’t understand why he wouldn’t want to communicate with her, now that he finally could.

“Of course he wants to see you,” Benny said, placing his own cards on the table. “He doesn’t want you to see him. Not like that.”

“I don’t care about any of that,” Lola argued. “It’s not like him being in prison is a surprise and it’s not like it would even be the first time I’ve visited a prison.” She’d done some volunteering and outreach back in Cali. “He could at least talk to me on the phone.”

“You know it doesn’t work like that. If he adds you to his list of approved contacts then you’re approved for everything: calls, letters, and visits. He’s not ready for that. Give him time to get used to the idea,” Benny advised.

Lola sighed. “Fine.” She thought twenty years was more than enough time, but she was willing to wait a bit more.

They were quiet for a moment, staring at the abandoned game in front of them.

“Are you going to ask me about your dad?” Benny eventually asked.

Lola did her best not to scoff. “Absolutely not,” she replied. She didn’t have to ask about him to know what he was up to. He was undoubtedly doing the same thing in prison that he did on the streets, playing power games and ruining lives.

“He’s not happy to hear that you’re back,” Benny supplied.

Lola ignored the sting. “Of course he isn’t.” She tried for a breezy tone but didn’t quite make it. “The day I disappeared was probably the best day of his life.”

“Don’t say that,” Benny barked at her. “Tu papá será lo que quieras, pero siempre te ha amado a su modo.”

The scoff she’d fought back before burst out before she could stop it. “Right. His deep love for me was why he treated me like trash and belittled me whenever he could.”

“He was trying to protect you,” he told her in Spanish. “He knew his life was no place for a girl and that you’d need to be strong to survive, even on the outskirts. He was preparing you.”

She hated that so many people used that excuse to justify the trauma they inflicted on their children. “Oh, so he decided to fuck me up completely before the world could do it. Sound logic.”

“I’m not saying it was right. I’m just saying that he’s not the monster you want him to be. He’s upset that you’re back because he’s worried about you. He knows that he can’t do anything to protect you, because he’s in there.”

“He didn’t do anything to protect me when he was out here!” Lola slapped a hand on the table. “Do you know what he did the first time one of his guys tried to corner me and shove his tongue down my throat?” She didn’t wait for Benny to answer. “He made Iván and the others take him out and get him laid, then he told me to stop dressing like a whore. I was wearing knee-length shorts and a tank top. Oh, and I was thirteen.” She remembered the moment clearly because it was in that moment the last bit of trust she had in him died.

“That’s not how it happened, Lola. They didn’t take him out to reward him with a good time. They took him out and beat him within an inch of his life. They broke his ribs, his hands, his jaw, one of his legs, and they fractured his skull. He was in a medically induced coma for weeks. You never wondered why he and the rest of them stayed far away from you after that? Your papi made it clear that whoever put hands on his daughter would pay, even his own men.”

Lola couldn’t take it anymore. She shot to her feet. “Even if that’s true, he didn’t do any of that for me, Benny. He did it to bolster his own power.” She placed two hands on the table and leaned forward. “He had to do something because not doing so would’ve made him look like his own men didn’t fear or respect him enough. I was something that he owned and no one was allowed to touch his things without his permission. That was the only thing he cared about. Not looking weak.”

“You always assume the worst in everyone, Lola.”

Lola closed her eyes and shook her head. She couldn’t have heard that right. “Benny, I learned that from you!” She dragged her hands through her hair. “You know what, I can’t with this right now.” She stepped aside and tucked the chair under the table. “I have too much other shit going on to sit here and listen to you make excuses for the man who ruined all of our lives. I know he’s your son and you love him no matter what, but I can’t listen to this. I gotta go.”

“No seas así, Lolita.”

She backed up. “I’ll be back tomorrow for Bingo.”

Benny huffed. “Fine.”

Lola spun on her heels and left. She kept her head down and moved as fast as her legs could take her without breaking into a run, rage seeping out of her. She’d almost made it into the main hallway when she bumped into a body. Luckily she’d been honing her reflexes for years, so she was able to steady herself and the other person before they both fell. “I’m so sorry,” she cried and winced at the clear frustration in her voice.

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