Page 34 of A Dish Best Served Hot

“Living in the same apartment must be really hard for him,” Lola mused. “It’s probably very lonely.” The look on her face was full of empathy and concern.

That was what Saint had always liked about Lola. She was so quick to respond to the suffering of others even if she didn’t like them. Even when they were younger she had an understanding about the world that most people would never reach. He wished he’d listened to her more instead of discounting the things she said as negativity and cynicism, but he couldn’t change the past. He could only try to do better. He’d do so by listening to her now and supporting her. “We need to talk,” he said. It had been less than a week since they’d decided to work together to find a new home for El Hogar, and they needed to make a plan.

She seemed to hesitate, but then she nodded. “We’re long overdue for this conversation I guess.” She looked around. “But not in the hall. Let’s go somewhere else.”

Now it was Saint’s turn to hesitate, but he decided to follow her lead.

They made their way out of Casa del Sol and down the street. They’d just passed Clínica Luna Nueva when Lola stopped. She sat on a long stone bench and motioned for him to do the same.

Saint sat next to her, close enough to feel her heat but not so close that she’d feel like he was crowding her. Ever since their encounter in the alley all he could think about was touching Lola, holding her.

“I’m still mad at you,” she eventually said. “And I’m not talking about the fact that you are destroying El Hogar for profit.”

Saint whipped his head around to look at her, but she wasn’t looking at him. She was staring ahead. Was she still upset about him enlisting?

“The armed forces are nothing but a way for the US to force their white evangelical viewpoints on Brown countries while they steal their wealth and culture. And they use poor and mostly Brown bodies to do it! Why is it that these recruiters visit poor Brown neighborhoods like ours? You don’t see them in Wilmette high schools brainwashing their youth into thinking that this is the only way they will be successful. No, those kids are expected to go to four-year universities, probably go postgrad, and eventually run our capitalist society. Meanwhile they are over here telling us, ‘Yeah just sacrifice your bodies and brains and turn into a murder bot for us and if you survive then we will let you go to school and get out of the hood.’ It’s bullshit. It’s a freaking con!”

“It’s about protecting our country. The people that live here and the freedoms we have.”

Lola’s jaw actually dropped. “You can’t possibly be that stupid.”

At the look on his face she at least tried to soften her words. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that it’s just...that’s so naive. It’s—”

He turned back and interrupted whatever backpedaling she was about to do. “You know what, Lola. It may seem stupid to you, but to me it’s about my family. My abuelo served. He sacrificed. He didn’t do it for some corrupt government. He did it for his family. To give us a better future than what was possible for him otherwise. I respect him for that and I’m going to honor that.”

“That’s a fairy tale, Saint.”

“Well, you know what? At least he did things the right way and he made sure we did too.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that none of my family members are in jail.”

Lola glared at him. “And there it is,” she said. “You think you are better than me. Well, fuck you, Santiago Vega Junior. You aren’t better than me. You’re nothing but an ignorant little boy playing superheroes. You want to go be Capitán America? Go ahead.”

She’d stormed away from him in a righteous rage and Saint had let her because he’d been pissed off too.

Now Saint could only look back on that moment and shake his head. Hehadbeen an ignorant little boy playing superhero. He’d learned quickly that the only value he held for Uncle Sam was his ability to kill efficiently. He wasn’t a person. He was a weapon. It wasn’t until his little girl was in his arms that he remembered he was a person. He was a man with hopes and dreams. None of them included not being there to raise her.

“I should’ve listened to you about enlisting. It was...” He paused. What could he say? That it was absolute hell. Mind-fucking, soul-crushing hell. He knew saying that would only lead to questions. He didn’t want to talk about that, so instead he said, “Intense.”

Lola let out what could only be described as a huff slash growl. “I can’t believe that after all of this time, you still think that it was about you enlisting.”

It wasn’t? How could that be? “We never argued about anything before that.” They’d been blissfully in love. Wrapped up in each other emotionally, mentally, physically. They’d spent almost every free moment they had together. It had made her disappearance even harder.

“True, but you know what else?” She turned in her seat to look at him. “You never once invited me to your house. You never introduced me to any member of your family. We only met up at my place, El Centro when your family or friends weren’t there, or somewhere around the neighborhood where no one would see us.”

Saint was confused about her accusatory tone. “I wanted to spend time with you, Lola. And I didn’t want to share.”

She shook her head. “You didn’t want anyone you knew to know we were together.”

Saint fought back the urge to become defensive, because in a way it was true. He hadn’t wanted his family to know about his relationship with Lola.

“You were embarrassed of me,” she whispered into the evening air.

Saint was shocked. “What?”

“I was the fat, loudmouthed, bisexual girl who was always in trouble with the office and who’s gangbanging father and brother were on trial for murder and you didn’t want anyone to know that you were dating me. I was your dirty secret. Worse, I was the tool that you used to make yourself feel good.”

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