Page 87 of A Dish Best Served Hot

“I’m sure they have procedures in place to handle that.”

“I still don’t think it’s a good idea. What if you see someone you don’t want to? You said they had a lot of enemies. I bet that at this point most of those enemies are either occupying cells next to them or dead.”

“Are you really trying to get me to not visit my brother?”

He shook his head and for a second she thought he was doing it to her, but it became clear he was shaking it at himself. “You’re right. I’m sorry. Of course, you’re going to see him as soon as you can and you’d want to do it in person. You both deserve to have that.”

“Yes. We do.”

As she stood at the back door a few minutes later Saint pulled her in. “I’m sorry,” he said again. “I was out of line. Do you forgive me?”

“Yes,” she said instantly, because what else was she going to do? Say no and leave mad at him for something he already admitted was wrong? She cared about him too much for that.

Besides, she wasn’t really mad at him. She was mad at herself because for the briefest moment she’d considered giving in to what he wanted.

“Are you ready?” Benny asked her as he stared at the doors to the visitation room.

Lola nodded then took a deep breath and tried to find her inner peace. It had been a struggle to get to where she currently was. From having Benny beg Iván to add her to his list of approved contacts to arriving at the prison and initially being denied access because her clothes were “inappropriate.” She’d been wearing a pair of black pants and a billowy top. She’s worn the outfit to work multiple times and had never once been looked at askance, but because her pants fit her curves and her top showed the barest hint of cleavage she’d been turned away. She’d had to leave and search out the nearest clothing store to find a new outfit. It had been difficult considering most stores were now in full summer mode, but she’d eventually found something. She was now the proud owner of a light brown mumu that covered her from neck to ankles and made her look like a burlap sack. The thing was ugly as hell, but it was comfortable and she would be wearing it around the house frequently.Take that, petty and power-high staff members.

She heard a sound from the hall and her heart picked up its pace. This was it. She’d be seeing her brother soon. The door was opened and he walked in. Lola knew him instantly. Their eyes met. Iván didn’t smile. He made no reaction as he was led to the table they’d been assigned. Meanwhile, Lola cataloged everything from the sprinkles of gray throughout his dark brown hair to the deep frown line permanently etched onto his face and the way he favored his right leg as he walked. It took her a second to remember that her brother was forty years old now.

As soon as he reached the table Lola shot up and wrapped her arms around him, squeezing with all of her strength. His embrace was much less intense than hers, but she heard a huff from him that sounded almost like relief. She felt moisture build in her closed eyes, but for once she didn’t care. She was with her brother. She was holding him.

“That’s enough,” a hard voice barked. “Sit down.”

Lola swung her head in the direction of the visiting room officer and glared. “I haven’t been able to hug him in twenty years.” Her words sounded like an explanation, but her tone saidfuck off.

“I don’t care,” he returned. “I said, ‘Sit down.’”

Lola opened her mouth, but Benny’s low “Lola, cállate o nos van a botar” had her shutting it. She didn’t want their visit to get cut short. She let Iván go and took her seat on the other side of the table even though it stuck in her craw.

“Happy birthday” were the first words out of Iván’s mouth.

Her smile was full of surprised pleasure. She was surprised he remembered considering everything he dealt with on a daily basis. “Thank you.” She swallowed the emotion clogging her throat. “I’m glad to spend it with you.”

He scoffed. “Yeah, I’m sure you always dreamed of spending your thirty-fifth birthday in a prison.”

She reached over and grabbed his hand. “I’ve always dreamed of spending any birthday with my only brother.”

He looked down at their hands and his lips finally curled in the tiniest smile. Then he pulled his hand back. “You’ve been good?” he asked.

For the second time Lola found herself trying to figure out how to pack almost two decades of life into a few sentences. If she shared, would he feel bitter? She didn’t want to hurt him. “Yes,” she said simply.

“And Mom?”

“She’s good too.”

He looked at Benny. “Is she always like this?”

Benny snorted. “Esta cotorra? Usually it’s trying to get her to stop talking that’s difficult.”

Iván shook his head at her. “If you hold back, this is going to be a really boring visit.”

“There’s so much I want to tell you, to talk to you about. I don’t know where to begin. I don’t know what you want to hear.”

“Lola, I’ve been here for a long time and most days have been exactly the same, me sitting around thinking and wishing I were somewhere else. You aren’t going to hurt my feelings by telling me that you’ve been able to actually go out and do things. That’s what I want to hear. I want to hear that you’ve lived. I don’t want you to sit here looking at me with pity and second-guessing every word.”

She nodded. “Okay. I’ll do better.” Then she launched into a rundown of her life since leaving Humboldt Park. She told him about the years it had taken before she’d been able to forgive their mother, going to school and her semester studying abroad in Mexico, about shitty dates she’d gone on and was ecstatic when he laughed. She told him about the few times she’d been arrested after protests. He hadn’t liked hearing that, but he did tell her that he was proud of her strength and perseverance.

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