Page 120 of Shadow Kissed

I spit on the floor at his feet and yank the door open, striding out of there, eager to be away from them. Ark chases after me, calling my name. He reaches out for my arm, and I spin and push him against the wall. “You’re supposed to be my friend. I trusted you.”

“There are bigger things at play than us, Reya. I believe in our cause and sometimes we must do things we don’t like,” he argues. He reaches out to touch my face, and I hit his hand away.

“Don’t touch me! I can’t bear to look at you or be near you,” I say as I storm towards the hidden tunnel.

“You don’t mean that!” he says as he chases after me. He grabs for my neck and yanks me towards him, pressing his lips on mine.

“Get off me!” I shout, lifting my knee and kneeing him between the legs. He doubles over in pain, swearing, and I leave him there, dropping into the tunnel and running as fast as my legs will carry me. I’ll never ever forgive him for this.

I arrive back at the mansion and throw myself on my bed and scream into my pillow in frustration and anger, pummelling it with my fists. When I’ve let it all out, I pull the dagger from my jacket and stare at it, turning it over and over in my hand. There’s no way out. I can’t risk anything happening to my brothers. They are the only family I have left. They mean everything to me. There is nothing I wouldn’t do to keep them safe, even if it meant losing Raegal.

I hide the dagger with my mother’s notebook and handkerchief, then glance around my bedroom, knowing I won’t be spending another night here. Tomorrow, they will brand meas a rebel and a betrayer. How can I face him tonight? How can I lie in bed next to him, knowing what I must do tomorrow? My heart aches at what might have been. All my life, I have longed to fit in, be accepted, and experience love. Now, I have almost achieved all those desires, but I will lose everything because of my blind hatred and naivety. I panic when I realise Raegal will be here soon. I hurriedly change into my nightshirt, then crawl into bed and pull the covers up and close my eyes, feigning sleep.

I know the minute he shadow weaves into the room. His shadows crawl under the covers and caress me in greeting. I hear him move quietly about the room as he undresses and the bed dips when he climbs in beside me. I yearn to turn around and crawl into his arms and tell him everything, but I can’t risk it. They’ll hurt Elian and Corym. I try to keep my breathing steady when he leans over me and kisses my head. “Sleep well, Terror.”

I lie still, eyes closed, my skin crawling with disgust at myself. Eventually, I notice his breathing evening out and I release a sigh of relief that he is asleep, and I won’t have to look him in the eyes and lie to him.

It’s a long night and exhaustion eventually wins out. I have the same nightmare I’ve been having for nights now. The voices all whispering in my ear and overloading my senses. All of them telling me to end the eternal night.

46

REYA

Iwake with a start and see it’s daylight outside. I glance to my side and feel a mix of relief and regret at finding he’s already left. There’s a piece of parchment on the cabinet by my bed, and I reach for it and fold it open.

Everything will work out okay. See you at the ceremony.

Everything won’t be okay, though. Nothing will be okay again.

Orna enters my room, humming a tune and looking like she doesn’t have a care in the world, and I envy her. I wish my life was that simple. She chatters away and I smile and go through the motions, but I am dead inside. I change into my dress and Orna leaves my naturally wavy hair down. The finished look is simple but elegant.

“Thank you, Orna. For everything,” I say, reaching for her and pulling her into a hug. Knowing this is the last time I will see her.

“Oh, don’t. You’ll have me weeping like a bairn. Besides, this isn’t goodbye.”

I furrow my brow. What is she talking about? “Oh, you don’t know. As you’re in the top five and will be chosen by an elite, you’ll need a lady’s maid. I’m coming with you!” she announces excitedly. “I’m travelling with you to the Shadow Realm.”

“What? They force you to go with us?”

“No,” she assures me. “We were asked if we would like to go with you, and I jumped at the chance. We get to see a whole other realm. It’s an adventure!”

I force a smile, pretending to appear thrilled. When in reality I know she won’t be going anywhere, because the rebels are going to put a stop to any of us leaving here. “That is amazing news!” I grin. “I’m so pleased. Well, I guess I’ll see you later then,” I tell her, pulling her in again and hugging her, probably a little too tightly for someone I would see in a few hours.

She leaves me alone, telling me she’ll pack my things whilst I’m at the ceremony. I wait to make sure she’s gone and then I rush over to the chest of drawers and pull out the bottom one. Reaching behind, I take my mother’s hanky and tuck it into the top of my dress. I stare at the stake in my hand. If I’m going to do this, I need to switch my emotions off like I used to do when I was a child, when Mayla and the other girls would be mean to me. I learned to just switch off and drown them out and become oblivious to it. I tuck the stake in the sleeve of my dress, checking to see that it won’t fall out. I stroke the cover of my mother’s notebook tenderly. I have nowhere to hide it, so I’ll have to leave it here. It was like saying goodbye to a piece of her. I raise it to my lips, kiss it, and place it back behind the bottom drawer.

The girls are all gathered in the communal sitting room, so I make my way out and Saveya hugs me, and whispers in my ear how anxious she is about whether Eryx has made it into the selection. I hug her and tell her she is the best friend I’ve everhad, and she wipes a tear from her eye and tells me we’ll still see each other when we reach the Shadow Realm. Tyria gathers us all together and we share a group hug and wish each other the best of luck.

Mistress Moryen rings the large bell in the entrance hall, signalling to us that it’s time to leave. I clutch tightly to Saveya’s hand as we descend the stairs.

“We’ll both be okay, Reya. I know it,” she insists, giving me a confident smile and I feel sick inside at what I know is about to unfold.

“Come, girls, gather in a line. My elites at the front please,” she orders, ushering me and Tyria away from Saveya, and I let go of her hand reluctantly. I can’t even say goodbye to her.

“Now, girls, this is the moment we have been preparing for,” she says, smiling as she casts her eyes over each one of us. Her eyes pause on the two girls who were kidnapped. They have had so little time to prepare for today’s ceremony. “Today you will give my people the greatest gift you could give us and for this, me and my staff are truly grateful. We are honoured to have been a part of your journey. Each of you will make fine wives for our men, and I look forward to seeing you settle and thrive in our homeland. Without further ado, let’s make haste to the square, for the ceremony to begin.”

This is it.

Unease sits in my stomach. Each step is a step closer to a path I carved for myself and now I’m facing the consequences of my foolish decisions.

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