Page 18 of Ghost

He glanced around at the various men, and his earlier excitement was replaced with fear. He was still staring at them when he shook his head no. I understood his apprehension. Neither of us were used to being around so many men, especially men like these. They were bikers. They carried a weight about them—ominous and fierce. They certainly weren’t like his friends’ dads or his coaches at school.

A part of me just wanted to run back to our room, but as I stood there listening to their quiet banter and wholesome laughs, I found them a little less threatening. I continued watching them, and it was clear that they were enjoying themselves. They all seemed comfortable and relaxed with one another, like they were with family at home.

Comfortable and relaxed were two feelings that had become foreign to me over the past year. It seemed like I was always on edge, and I felt a little jealous as I stood there watching them.

One of the men was busy racking up the balls when Goose glanced over in our direction, and his face softened when he spotted us standing in the doorway. He smiled at Toby as he called out, “Hey, kid. You wanna play a round?”

Toby immediately shook his head, turning him down.

“You sure?” Goose pushed. “We won’t bite.”

Toby hesitated, then looked up at me and asked, “Can I?”

“Of course.” I was just as apprehensive as he was, but there was something about Goose’s smile that set me at ease. “I’ll be right here waiting.”

He didn’t move.

He just stood there staring at Goose and the others.

His doubts were getting the best of him until Goose gave him one last nudge, “Come on. I’ll even let you break if you wanna.”

Toby nodded, then darted over to the table.

Goose chuckled as he handed him a pool cue, showing him how to hold it. I walked over and sat down on the edge of the sofa, watching as my bashful son took his first shot at pool. As I sat there watching him, I was torn between relief that my precious son was having fun and the ever-present anxiety gnawing at the back of my mind.

It was too much.

Too soon.

We should’ve stayed in the room.

But Toby’s laughter broke through the tension in my chest, and for a moment,just a moment, I let myself breathe. I leaned back so I could watch as Goose and the others bantered back and forth with Toby. They were being so nice to him, and it caught him a little off guard. But he played along, and it wasn’t long before he relaxed and really started enjoying himself.

They played a full game, and as soon as he was done, he rushed over to me and whispered, “That was awesome!”

“It looked like you were having a good time.”

“I was.” He was smiling ear to ear as he said, “Goose is the coolest.”

“I’m so glad.” It was getting late, so I suggested, “How ‘bout we go grab a bite to eat, and you can tell me all about it.”

He nodded, then followed me out of the family room. When we got to the kitchen, I was surprised to find that it was massive. There were two long tables in the center of the room that sat at least thirty people, and there was a triple sink and an enormous fridge. The countertops were cluttered with plates, cups, and a couple of half-empty beer bottles.

Despite the chaos, there was a certain warmth to it that made it inviting. I opened the fridge, rummaging through it until I found the container of leftover spaghetti, and placed it in the microwave. “So, tell me about it.”

“It was awesome.” His voice was full of excitement as he told me, “I got three balls. And I would’ve gotten a fourth one, but I hit it too hard.”

The microwave beeped, and I pulled out the container. I stirred it a bit, then put some on a plate, handing it and a fork to Toby. Without waiting for it to cool, he dove in. I made myself a smaller portion, and after taking a few bites, the messy room started getting to me.

I didn’t want to overstep, but at the same time, I felt compelled to do something. So, I started with the empty beer bottles. I tossed them in the trash before moving on to the dirty dishes. And while I cleaned, Toby talked.

And he talked some more.

“He showed me how to hold the stick.” He moved his fingers into a funny shape as he said, “He told me it was all about balance.”

“Um-hmm.”

“I was leaning over to make a shot and almost knocked over his beer. The guys laughed, but not in a mean way. They were really cool about it.”

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