Page 74 of Ghost

I had no idea how to respond, so I didn’t.

I just stood there staring at him, and eventually, he said, “The time has come, Cricket. You’ve gotta decide, once and for all ... Do you trust meor not?”

He was right.

And deep down, I knew the truth.

I wasn’t afraid because I didn’t think he was the right man.

I was afraid because I knew he was.

There were just things that made it hard to give into him completely when there were so many things he kept from me. I knew there were things about the club he’d never be able to share, but there were some things I simply had to know. It was the only way we could move forward, so I said, “I want to trust you, Sutton. I really do, but you don’t make it easy. You have all these things you can’t talk about, and you’ve yet to tell me about your past and what happened to you.”

He didn’t respond.

He just stood there staring at me with a blank expression, so I pushed, “You know about my nightmares, but I still know nothing about yours.”

“You’re right. I should’ve told you.”

“Then, tell me.” I crossed my arms and stood my ground. “You want me to trust you, but you’ve yet to trust me.”

“I do trust you. That’s not it.” Anguish filled his eyes as he said, “Honestly, I don’t know why I haven’t told you. I guess I figured talking about it would open old wounds, but they’ve never really healed. Not sure they ever will.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Sutton. What wounds?”

“I was married.”

His words hit me like a truck.

He’d never mentioned anything about an ex, much less a wife.

It was a shock to hear, but he wasn’t done yet. In fact, he was just getting started. “Her name was Tracy, and we had a son named Grady.”

A knot formed in my throat, and it grew and grew as Sutton told me the story of how he’d learned about his son’s death and the funeral that followed. It was gut-wrenching to hear, and I could only imagine how hard it was to live through it.

I could still remember when Toby was that age and how little and vulnerable he was. My heart ached at the thought of losing him. “Oh, Sutton. I’m so sorry. I had no idea.”

“I still have nightmares... It’s one of the reasons I came and got you last night. They don’t come when you’re with me, at least, not the really bad ones.”

“What are the really bad ones?”

“The ones where Grady is calling for me. His arms are up, and he’s begging for me, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t get to him. And just when I start getting close, he disappears.”

“Oh Sutton, that breaks my heart,” I replied, as I reached for him.

“It breaks mine, too.” He looked up at me, his eyes glistening with emotion. “So, now you know.”

“Thank you for telling me.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”

“It’s okay. I understand.”

“There’s something I need you to take away from this... Losing Grady nearly broke me. I put the blame on Tracy, and I lost her, too. I put my focus on the club, and for a long time, I thought that was all I needed.” He lowered his hands to my waist and pulled me close. “And then, I met you. And for the first time in a very fucking long time, I feel something real.”

His blue eyes pierced through me as he continued, “I’m not perfect, Cricket. Far from it. I’m gonna make mistakes, but I want to try to be the man you and Toby need me to be.”

Overcome with emotion, I wound my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. “You already are.”

---