“But he’d have to get through the guys first.”
“That’s a whole other concern. There’s no telling what he would do if...”
Before I could finish my thought, Toby and his new friend barreled through the doorway. Both were sweaty and out of breath as they made their way over to the fridge.
Toby grabbed a bottle of water, and his eyes were bright with excitement as he turned to me and said, “We found a baby snake.”
“What?”
“It was just a garden snake.” Garrison took a drink of his water before adding, “It won’t hurt ya.”
“A snake is a snake.” My voice cracked as I said, “Please tell me you left that thing outside.”
“Yes, Mom,” Toby groaned. “It’s outside.”
“Thank goodness.”
Garrison leaned over to Toby and giggled, “Your mom is a scaredy-cat.”
“Yeah, but she’s still cool.”
“Moms are never cool.” He laughed, then gave Toby a quick wave and ran for the door. “See ya later.”
He darted out the back door, and the room fell silent. Toby stared off into space, and it was clear he had something on his mind. “Honey, are you okay?”
“Yeah, I was just thinking about something Garrison said.”
“Oh? What’s that?”
“He’s in fourth grade, just like me.”
“Yeah, I kind of figured that.”
“Well, he said his teacher is really nice, and he’s got a lot of friends. He said I’d really like them.”
“I’m sure you would.”
“He said I could meet them if I started going to school with him.” His little hands fidgeted with the hem of his shirt as he told me, “I know we gotta be careful because of,you know, but it could--”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I interrupted.
“I knew you were going to say that.”
“It’s just not safe, honey. At least, not yet.”
“It’s not fair." Defeat marked his face as he muttered, “I just want things to be normal again.”
It was clear he really wanted this, and I wanted it for him. I just wasn’t sure it was the right time, and that broke my heart. I’d done this. I’d brought this monster into our lives and turned our world upside down. And more than that, I hurt the one person I loved the most in this world. Trying my best not to cry, I swallowed hard and told him, “I know you do, and eventually, they will be. But right now, we have to go about things the right way.”
“That’s just your way of saying no.”
“No, that’s my way of saying I will think about it.”
I knew he needed some normalcy, and I wanted to give it to him. I just wasn’t sure how to do that and keep him safe at the same time. Clearly unhappy with my answer, Toby rolled his eyes and muttered, “Whatever.”
Without saying anything more, he turned and walked out of the room. Once I was certain he was out of earshot, I leaned my head back and groaned, “Why does this have to be so hard?”
Antonia had remained quiet throughout our exchange. “It’ll get easier. It’s just going to take some time,” she softly offered.