Page 5 of Madden

"That's got to be lucrative, but it also feels dirty." I grimace, but at the same time, jotting down a reminder in my brain to talk to Eden about it when I grab my next coffee.

"It does, but there's nothing else going on in LS." She sighs heavily. "Anyway, I gotta get dressed. If you make Micksomething for breakfast, can you make it for me too? I'm starving."

She normally doesn't ask me to fix her anything. "I don't care to do it. Want a sandwich?"

"Yes, bacon and egg would be great, if you don't mind."

"I don't. That's what I'm making Mick. It'll be ready when you're ready."

She reaches over, giving me a hug. "Love ya, Bec."

Although I'm tired to my bones, I get up and walk over to the stove. Within a few minutes, I have breakfast going for everyone. I'm hungry too, and as soon as I have a dark room and a full stomach, I know I'll be able to fall asleep without much of an issue.

"Hey Becca."

No matter how my night has gone, I always paste a smile on my face as soon as I hear Mick's voice. It's not his fault he's been put into the position he's in, or that I've had to take on more work to take care of him. "Good morning. How did you sleep?" He's had insomnia off and on since he came to live with me. I wish I could figure out what keeps his little mind running at all hours of the day and night. More than anything, I want him to feel safe, to trust me, and to tell me everything that happened to him with his mom and dad. He goes to therapy every week, but I still haven't been able to break through the lock he has on his secrets and emotions.

"Okay." He sighs, getting up on the bar chair at the island. "It took me a while to get there."

It's as if I'm speaking to an adult. Like he's been struggling with sleep for the last forty years. I hate this for him, and make a note to talk to his therapist about this when he has his next appointment. "I'm sorry. Hopefully, we'll figure out what'll help you."

He shrugs. "Maybe one day it'll be easy for me."

My heart breaks for him. I finish the breakfast sandwiches for all of us, and pack up the one to-go for Stephanie. "It will be." I rub his back as I put the food in front of him.

"Thanks, Aunt Bec. This looks good."

God, this kid. "You're welcome. I'll be right back. I'm gonna go freshen up, and then we'll get you to school."

Going back to my bedroom, I gaze up at the ceiling and do my best to get my emotions under control. Steph stops by my door as she's walking up the hallway. "Are you okay?"

I nod. "Life hasn't been fair to him, and I wish there was something I could do to make it easier."

"You're doing the best you can." She reminds me. "And where he is with you is a million times better than the place he was with your brother."

"I worry that I'm fucking this up." I admit, feeling a wave of stress wash over me. It's suffocating sometimes, and I just want to have a positive impact on Mick.

"You're not. I promise you're not. I don't know how to make you feel better about what's happening, but you have to give yourself some grace. Are you going to be okay?" She asks. "Because I'm headed out, and I don't want to worry about you."

"I'm fine. Just a little nervous breakdown."

"We have to have one at least three times a month." She deadpans. "See ya."

"See ya, your breakfast is on the island."

"Thanks boo. See you when I get home."

I giggle at her words. "See ya honey, have a great day."

Thirty minutes later,I'm in the school drop off line. This is the worst part of my day, for sure. It's cutthroat, and I truly thinkthere could be a fight every day. "Alright Mick, time to tuck and roll."

He laughs as he gets his backpack on. "I know. This is the scariest part of my day."

Mine too. My fingers tap against my steering wheel as we get closer. We have this down to a science, but I'm always terrified that I'm going to be the one in the car rider line who messes it up for everyone else. "Alright, get ready." His seat belt is already off, he's got the backpack on his shoulders, and his hand is on the door latch. "See you later. Time to go." Within two minutes, he's out of the car and onto the sidewalk. I don't take the moment to wave at him, instead I pull out into traffic and get away from the craziness of that whole situation.

When I'm back at the apartment, I lock the door, and then go through the empty rooms, taking my clothes off. As soon as I'm in my bedroom, I throw them in my clothes hamper and sink deep into my bed. I don't even remember closing my eyes. I'm out so quickly.

CHAPTER 5

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