Page 2 of The Games We Play

“Have you eaten today?” Ryan asks, although his tone tells me he already knows the answer.

I bite my bottom lip and recount my day’s events. My shift at the restaurant ended four hours ago. It was busy, and I didn’t have time to stop. Then when I got home, I collapsed on the couch and…Well,shit.

“Right,” he takes my silence as admission. “Dad said you can come over for dinner. It’s his signature special,” Ryan says enticingly. My stomach growls at the mention of any kind of food.

“Delivery pizza?” I smile.

“You know it. I’ll come pick you up.”

“I can drive myself,” I retort.

“Yeah, but it’s the gentleman’s thing to do.”

I debate my options. Honestly, I’m not sure if there is a scrap of human food in my house. I should probably eat something more than my regular liquid diet of alcohol.

Sighing, I say, “Okay. I’ll be ready in ten.”

I check my phone once more.

Nope,Seth is definitely not interested.

I creep on his profile and learn that he’s out at a party with some friends who are also in our class. When I swipe to a picture of his tongue down some other girl’s throat, I want nothing more than to stay home and drown myself in my sorrows.

Roxy pulls at her leash and drags me behind her. I swear this dog would move in with Ryan and his dad if I let her.

“Fine, we’ll go.” I’ll just put on my facade that everything is fine until I get home. I scare myself sometimes at how easily people believe the lie.

***

Mr. Collins doesn’t saymuch during dinner. Five minutes into us trying to sit at the table together, he got a call that he couldn’t ignore. Ryan shrugs, but I know it bothers him that his dad has been more distant since taking this new job.

We move to the couch, where Roxy quickly makes herself comfortable.

“Want to watch a movie?” Ryan is cute in a way that other girls fall all over him, but to me, he’s a brother. I can’t see past that, and I never will. He hasn’t dated anyone, and when I bring it up, he says he’s waiting for the right person. Which in my mind, translates to he’s waiting for me.

“What? No hot date tonight?”

His ears pink slightly, and he shifts on the couch. “Why do you?”

“I messaged Seth, but his pictures say he’s preoccupied, and he never responded, so I guess not.” I shrug.

“Is that a yes to a movie?” Ryan says, his voice full of hope even though he tries to act like it’s no big deal.

“Sure. You pick.” I settle into my regular spot and pull a blanket up around my chin. Roxy wiggles closer until she’s settled on my legs and feet. Ryan sits with his legs reclined and one hand out like he’s hoping I’ll hold it. I notice these little things he does. Things other people may be completely oblivious to. I’ve been honest with him and laid out exactly how I feel. But the idiot still holds hope.

Too bad there is zero hope for me…or us.

He picked a rom-com chick flick, thinking that’s what I’d want to watch, I’m sure. But honestly, I’d rather have blood and gore. Action where some guy will stop at nothing until he finds his girl. I want death and vengeance. Not a meet-cute where everything is sunshine and rainbows.

That’s not real life.

That’s notmylife.

When it gets to the classic love confession, I zone out, grab my phone, and scroll through videos of masked men. The kind at haunted houses, covered in fake blood and carrying weapons of various calibers. The danger they emit is the kind of romance I want. You may or may not walkaway from it. The thrill of anonymity and the sense of being watched wherever you go would be exhilarating. I’m sure if I actually went to therapy and talked about my delusions, they would link it to something from my childhood, but who needs therapy when you have sex and booze?

I snicker.That’s why you need therapy,Tess.

“What’s so funny?” Ryan asks. I look up and realize the credits are rolling on the screen.

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