Page 36 of The Games We Play

“What happened?”

I exhale and move to sit on the bed, careful to avoid the ruffled comforter. “Are we really doing this?” I ask.

“Doing what?” X leans on the far wall with his arm folded.

“Talking about our feelings?”

“I want to know more about you.” He drops his chin and I clear my throat.

“Okay…um…here it goes. You already know I’ve killed two people.” He tilts his head, but doesn’t stop me. “They weren’t my first—”

I’ve spent years convincing myself it wasn’t true. Disassociating from the memories, claiming they were a vivid dream. A what-could-have-happened, but didn’t scenario. Even Dad covered for me. Now he can’t look or even talk to me about it. Just gave me those drugs to help me cope.

“There were others?” He doesn’t sound shocked or even surprised. Maybe the monster in him recognized the one in me?

“Just one,” my voice falls flat, and I snuff the cigarette out on the ashtray by the bed. X plucks it from my fingers and slips it into his pocket.

“Who?”

How do I tell him this part of myself? Won’t it make me the biggest monster in the room? Something so unredeemable. Even he won’t see any good left in me. I don’t know how old other people have their first memory, but me…I vividly remember the water sloshing around the bathtub as I splashed water during my bath. Mom was watching me from the side of the tub, water droplets landing on her clothes and face, but she didn’t move to wipe them away.

She just stared.

Until she wasn’t and I was plunged under water, her hands on my shoulders holding me down. I was lifted from the water, Dad clung to me and there was so much screaming.

That was the first and last time Mom tried to kill me. After that, I was never out of Dad’s sight. But things didn’t get better. Mom tried to take her lifetime and timeagain…until—

“Bare your soul to me. Confess your sins, Puppet.” He tips my chin up and I gaze into his mask.

“Why? So, you can abandon me just like everyone else?” My voice breaks and I hate that I’m letting these emotions worm their way into my night.

“Tell me the worst thing you’ve ever done and I promise I can top it.”

Is that regret I hear in his tone? Surely not. X isn’t the type to have regrets.

I swallow deeply and wipe my sweaty palms on my legs. I’ve never said it out loud. Not even to Dad. Certainly not to anyone that could hold it against me.

“My mother,” I whisper. I can’t look at him. I simply sit and wait for the truth to set in and for him to realize he never knew me at all.

“And did you enjoy it?” he asks, as if that is all there is to it.

My blood heats at the memory. She wanted to die. Begged for it most of my life. Using her death as a way to control me and my dad. She threatened to kill herself so many times I dreamed of it. I simply granted her wish to die like a fucked-up fairy godmother. Late one night, I braced the pillow over her face and held it there until her small body stopped fighting. I’ll never forget the freeing feeling that washed over me…before Dad’s reaction ripped it all away.

“It felt…euphoric. The medication…the memories usually aren’t this loud.” I fidget with my fingers in my lap.

X hums, stepping in front of me, and pulls at my bottom lip with his thumb. His hands skim over my body and firmly grip my knees, then spreads my legs wide. The cool air of the room hits my warm center since I decided to tempt X by not wearing underwear.

“Medication is for people who are sick. You’re not sick, Puppet.” He places a hand around my throat and gently pushes me back and drops to his knees so his head is level with my pussy. I lay back and close my eyes. “Did you take it slow? Or was it fast and hard?” he asks. His tongue parts my seam and licks up to my clit.

“Quick,” I moan and grip the sheets.

“I’ll teach you how to go slow. To take your time.” His tongue works my clit. “Get the full high that you crave.”

“Yes,” I breathe out.

He abruptly stands, and I prop myself up. He holds his hand out to help me stand. “Come with me, and I’ll show you.”

I put out my bottom lip, and my eyes open when X grabs my wrist. “I’ll ravish you when you have the buzz of a fresh kill coursing through your veins. It heightens your senses. Makes everything…more sensitive.” He growls at the last part and I want to climb him like a tree.

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