Page 68 of The Wickedness of Man

I covered my face with my hands, recalling how angry I’d felt at first seeing Carmilla feeding from Caleb in the model condo. But when he’d locked eyes with me while he kissed her—the moment I knew that he was craving me, not her, it had suddenlybecome a turn on. I’d gotten wet from watching them make out. Watching the way his large hands cradled her throat so tenderly. From the look in his eyes that said he was eager to bury himself inside of me—I forced my thoughts from it as Caleb stirred in his sleep. Carmilla smiled knowingly.

“Why do you think I asked you if it was all right to feed from him?” she asked. “I could see you’d already marked him, so despite being near starving, I was waiting for you to give the okay. It’s just polite.”

“Are you telling me I essentially just did the demon version of spraying my perfume on his clothes so other women would smell it…?”

“Oh darling, it’s perfectly natural. Even humans want to mark their partners, you know. Ever seen a hickey? A lipstick stain on a collar? A man with his hand in his girlfriend’s back pocket? Aweddingring? It’s all territorial, and it’s the most human part of you there is, if you ask me. We’ve all found someone we liked now and again, even as humans, and put a claim on them. It’s just that, as a succubus, other succubi feeding on your partner may make you… well, a little crazy.”

“So, this connection between us,” I said, moving away from the topic, “the ways our auras pull toward each other… You said we won’t end up bonding if we don’t… have sex?”

“Well, like I said, thus far, it’s speculation… but to be on the safe side, yes… I would recommend you both hold off, at least until we know more for certain, one way or another. Perhaps you two are just extremely compatible, but… there are things that worry me…”

“Compatible,” I repeated. “You’ve mentioned that a couple times. What do you mean? Just that we find each other… physically attractive?”

“That’s part of it.” Carmilla tapped her chin and thought a moment. “Sexual energy isn’t just sex. It’s the same as if you metsomeone on a date and ‘clicked.’ Compatibility with someone occurs on several levels, so yes, your natural inclination to how attractive you find them is important, but as a cambion, the stronger your energetic entanglement with someone—even another cambion—requires all the same check marks as any relationship would.”

I squeezed Caleb tighter without thinking about it. “So, a gay man wouldn’t want to sleep with a succubus—nor would a straight woman.”

“Correct—but you may still influence them in other ways. It’s just something you’ll have to learn to live with. People will want you. They will want to be around you without knowing why. You’ll end up feeding a little here and there from those within your aura. You won’t be able to help it. With Caleb, however, the more you feed from each other, the more your bond will increase until it’s so strong no other energetic sources will leave you satisfied.”

I sat up once more, disentangling myself from Caleb’s grip, and stood, moving away from him and Carmilla both as I went to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee from Katie’s fancy machine—if she hadn’t already made some, I wouldn’t have bothered since it was tricky to work—and I needed something warm and comforting.

“Like I said, I could be wrong,” Carmilla said as I reached into one of the cabinets and got a mug. “It wouldn’t be such a bad thing though, you know. He’s incredibly handsome—strong, and seems head over heels for you, doesn’t he? Once he awakens fully, you can claim him legitimately, if that’s what you want. Just keep sleeping together and it will happen eventually?—”

“That’s not fair to him,” I said. My hand was resting on the handle of the coffee pot, but I hadn’t lifted it. “He doesn’t know any of this. I didn’t know when we had sex that it would… do that… but I practically threw myself at him, and if you’reright,then I didn’t even get to pick the man I lost my virginity to. Even now, someone is controlling my sex life, my body, and?—”

I was crying before I knew it, weeping as Carmilla walked in and gently wrapped me in a hug, rubbing her hand along my back until I could stifle my tears.

“I’m sorry, this is all just… so much.”

“Don’t apologize, Magda. If you want to be angry at anyone, be angry at me. I’ll take responsibility for the situation you’re in now.”

“You don’t understand… my whole life, someone has been telling me how to dress, how to behave, how to be a good girl or be sent to Hell—” The coffee mug in my hand shattered. Thankfully, it was empty, but the shards went everywhere along the counter. I cursed and stepped back from the broken remains.

“Even going to see you wasn’tmyidea, and now I discover that eventhathad been preordained because somewhere out there was the man that someoneelsehad chosen for me to sleep with,whenthey wanted me to sleep with him… It hurts so badly! Nothing in my life had ever felt better than when I thought I had something—someone—that made me feel so good, and he was justmine. Just a secret I could keep from the world and enjoy.

“I wanted him to be mine, Carmilla, and now I find out that heis—but not because it’s his choice? I can’t. Iwon’tdo that to him or anyone else. But given the fact that I’m apparently just radiating sexuality to everyone, even my best friend is clambering all over me—and goddammit!”

The apartment, possibly the entire building, shook with my shout, and I closed my eyes.

“Magda, I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “I swear to you… if I could make things right?—”

“If you want to make things right, then promise me something, please,” I said.

Carmilla hesitated, but then dipped her head. “If I can, I’ll do my best.”

“I know what it feels like to have someone control you,” I began, then turned and walked over to the doorway, where I could spy Caleb sleeping heavily, a furrow to his brow, as if he’d sensed my unease in his sleep. “…I don’t know if we’ll be strong enough to keep away from each other, so please, Carmilla—don’t let us.”

“Are you really asking me to keep the two of you from fucking?” Carmilla scoffed. “I nearly got killed last time?—”

“I know, but I’m going to do my best to avoid… to avoid it. Whenever you can—at the first opportunity, please… take him somewhere safe, so we can’t find each other. I don’t… I don’t think it’s fair to either of us to just accept whatever they’re trying to do to us without putting some perspective, and maybe some distance, into it.”

Carmilla stared at me, crossed her arms over her chest, and sighed. “I’ll do my best, dearest, but… to be perfectly honest, since none of us know exactly what they’re to just yet, we have no idea what actions might wind us up playing directly into their hands. If that’s what you want… so be it, but we’ll have to decide quickly. The longer we spend here trying to figure out whatever their motives are, the more time we lose in making our escape.”

I nodded, then grabbed the broom and a dishrag to clean up the mess I’d made on the counter and floor with the broken mug. “It is. I… I won’t sleep with Caleb again.”

Liar, said a small inner voice,he’s literally everything you want, but I mentally shoved it into the dustpan along with all the shards of porcelain.

Jax

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