Page 97 of Chaos

I can’t remember sledding ever in my life, but between Auden’s shouting manically that we’re going to crash and Beast frantically woofing and chasing us, I’m belly laughing as we whip down the hill on the back lawn.

I hope this is a memory that sticks with him when he looks back at his childhood, like my mom and the long johns.

Not the death of billions and Frankie being taken, but laughing in the biting wind, speeding down the hill on a carefree Christmas with people who tried their hardest to love him the best they could.

I hope when I’m gone, he remembers me smiling more than scowling.

A snowball fight breaks out between the older kids while the younger ones grow bolder and bolder sledding, Beast racing along behind them.

I join Frankie on a blanket in the snow.

“You’ve been quiet,” I say. “Ever since breakfast.”

She drops her head onto my shoulder. “Just taking it all in.”

We watch as Ephie lands a snowball right in Shane’s face. He laughs like I haven’t seen, tipping his face up to the sky, carefree and young, and then looking less young when he lunges toward her, pursuing her when she backs away, shaking her head and laughing. He hefts her up with an arm around her middle and dumps her into a snow pile.

It’s the first time I’ve seen them together up close. The look on his face is unnervingly adult.

“Think we should talk to them about birth control? Frankie asks beside me, strangely subdued. “We are uniquely qualified to talk about it. Or … maybe unqualified.”

As we watch, Shane stands and bends over Ephie, snags her hand, pulls her upright, his arm looped low behind her back, their bodies pressed in tight together, smiles fading.

“If not already,” Frankie murmurs. “Soon.”

“I’ll talk to him.”

I should tell her I’m leaving, but I don’t.

Eventually we get hungry and go inside where Plumberger’s crew has dumped bread, butter and jam on tables in the lobby for a late lunch, telling everyone to, “Fend for yourselves. Dinner is a feast.”

It may be a weak showing by everyone else’s standards, but to me, it’s the most perfect Christmas I could imagine.

It’s the life I swore I’d earn back in DC.

If anything was ever worth risking everything for, it’s this.

I’ll come back.

No matter what.

IFIND SHANEin the suite before dinner and hang his new uniform over a door jamb.

Auden’s nodded off while flipping through his new books, and Frankie’s in the bathhouse with Shasta getting ready for tonight.

“You ready for tomorrow?” I ask.

He shrugs. “I should ask you that. I’m not going.”

I stepped into that one. “You’re helping coordinate.”

“Yeah, I’m ready to wake people up. Human alarm clock. That’s me.” He pumps his fist in the air. “Hero to the rescue.”

“Wake up call’s an important duty. How’s it going with Ephie?” I ask, trying to sound neutral.

He closes the book he’s been flipping through. “She’s starting to trust me.”

“You stayed with her last night?”

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