Page 70 of Waiting for Gilbert

“And miss a blizzard walk?” I pull on my hat and look at her like she’s lost her mind. “That’s half the appeal of the donuts in the first place. It’s our reward for conquering the blizzard.” My fists plant on my hips in an instinctual Peter Pan pose.

Mark zips Nathan’s coveralls over his pajama pants. “It’s only twenty-seven degrees. We’ll be fine. Help me with that baby wrap thing for Lisa.”

Once we’re all outside, bundled toes to nose, we start the exciting two blocks to the donut shop on the square. Lance and Leo are already wrestling in the yard.

Mark smiles with Lisa strapped to his back. I adjust the scarf over her face so only her cute little eyes with her blond lashes blink at me from her warm cocoon. “I love the desert, Cordy. But I forgot how much fun blizzard walks used to be.” He glances at me with boyish humor in his eyes.

We step carefully onto the empty street. The only sounds are the kids running and laughing around us.

“I read all your texts.” From the tone of Mark’s voice, he’s not even sorry. Just stating facts. “Forget everything I’ve said the past two weeks. That’s who you need to go after.” No one has ever accused Mark of beating around the bush. He’s what you might describe as a felt-covered brick.

Generally, I like a friend who gets straight to the point. But I must disagree in this case. “I’ve never gone after a man. That’s pathetic.” The snow blows thick around us. The sun is muted and white. There is no sky. White, white, white everywhere.

“Why?” He turns to the side. “Come on, boys! Stay with us.”

The twins launch to their feet and run with arms twirling until they’re slipping and sliding beside us.

“Why?” Mark asks again.

“It’s pretty obvious if he’s not interested.”

“And this Gilbert isn’t interested?”

I quickly relate what I heard between him and John that first day in Gilbert’s house. “It would be relationship suicide. Gilbert made his position clear, and I would especially hurt John’s feelings. I don’t want to do that.”

“You’re not responsible for everyone’s feelings.”

“But shouldn’t I attempt to give John a try? John’s a really nice guy.”

I’d like to think Mark’s wincing at the snow and not at me. He shakes his head. “Do you ever listen to the stupid things you say? We’re not syrups at a coffee shop or flavors at an ice cream parlor. You’re not obligated to give anyone a try.”

“John is really nice.” There is no reason for me to defend John. Good golly. I’m so scared of believing Gilbert could ever choose me. Talking about it only makes it worse when it’s so unattainable.

“You’re being an idiot.”

Now I’m mad. “You’re a real friend, Mark. Super glad you’re here.” I move to the center of the street where it’s not as slippery so I can angry-march without falling. “Why don’t you just mind your own stinking business?”

“Why are you mad?” He tails me like sticky pizza dough I can’t scrape off my hands. “Methinks the lady doth protest too much.”

My cousin is infuriating! And this snow is not making me happy. There are no sweet fluffy flakes of artistic masterpieces. It’s a blast of white stuff flying everywhere. My lips are so cold it’s hard to talk. Whose idea was this anyway? Blizzard walks are stupid. The anger spikes. There’s no call for it, but I feed it anyway. Heat vibrates through me, and sarcasm slides from my mouth. “It’s swell hanging out with you. I always feel better about myself when you’re around. A load of encouragement, that’s you.”

Lauren runs a few steps and tries to skate on the packed snow of the tire tracks. The wind buffets against her and she falls flat. Laughing, she snags Landon’s ankle and he pulls her a few feet until he falls on top of her. Lance and Leo scale the six-foot pile beside us that the snow plow left behind. I stop in the middle of the road and watch the kids frolic and squeal around us. Lisa smiles from her warm perch on Mark’s back.

“Tell me you don’t have feelings for Gilbert.”

I don’t honor him with a glance. “Next time you’re paying full price for an Uber.”

“Tell me you don’t have feelings for Gilbert.”

“Gag.Feelings for.” Face to the sky, the bits of ice melt on my skin. “I have feelings for you, Mark. Big ones. Big fat annoyed feelings. Don’t talk to me about feelings. They’re useless.”

He swipes a leg under me, and I fall face first onto the ice, barely catching myself before I break my nose. “Ow! Geez Louise, Mark!”

He kneels beside me. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I forgot we were on ice instead of snow. ”

I rise to my hands and knees and hang my head between my arms as I catch my breath.

“Are you okay?”

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