Walking across the street, I climb into my car, looking one last time at the apartment, but Lily doesn’t come out or even stand at the window. I can’t blame her. I hope they remember what I said about my cell. Day or night, they can call me.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
LILY
“Ineed to leave for work soon,” I say over the sound of the hairdryer.
Mom paces anxiously, biting her fingernails. “I didn’t mean to fly off the handle like that, but what else did you expect me to do? The whole thing is suspicious.”
“He wouldn’t lie about that,” I say, struggling to keep my voice steady. “He has got months, he said—months. Did he look like he was lying to you?”
“Your dad never looked like he was lying, either.”
“Dad would never have helped somebody like Landon helped us.”
My thoughts feel twisted up. Mom makes all the points I’ve been throwing at myself to remind myself why this can never work. Yet, when they come from her, I want to defend him, defendus.
“Even if he is telling the truth, he proved my point,” Mom declares. “If he hasn’t got long, why does he want you, Lily? What for?”
“What if I want the same thing?” I yell. “What if I want to have some fun with him? Not everything has to be serious. Not everything has to be forever. If he’s telling the truth, it means he’ll be gone before he shows his true colors, right?”
The words come out vicious and cold. I don’t like the way I sound at all.
“I need to get to work,” I say, cutting her off when she tries to reply. “I can’tnotgo to work. People need me.Ineed to keep my job and make a good impression to be an actual social worker one day. I can’t mess this up. To do that, I have to focus. Okay?Okay?”
Mom’s shoulders droop. “Fine, but remember, I warned you about him.”
“Youlike him,” I snap.
“I’ve always thought he was a good man. He saved us. He made it possible for me to move on, to be a mother. All those years ago, I never imagined that he would …” She shudders. “…wantyou.”
“Don’t say it like he’s gross. I’m a woman, Mom, in case you haven’t noticed.” I raise my hand before she can say another word. “Please, I need to get ready.”
She turns and walks away. She knows I’ll get sucked into a conversation about this way too easily. After drying my hair, I jump in the car and begin driving. At least I won’t have to take public transport like I did on the way home when Landon dropped me off.
There’s Landon, getting in my head again. After that standoff with Mom, it feels impossiblenotto let him into my thoughts. Ican still feel what we did last night, my pussy aching, something inside wanting more.
Carter is waiting for me in our office lobby. He walks into my path, making me jump.
“Sorry,” he says, shuffling on the spot. “Listen, we need to talk.”
“Okay …”
He leads me back to the parking lot around the corner, where the smokers gather. We’re the only ones out here. He takes out a cigarette. “Do you mind?”
“Sure,” I say. He seems even more on edge than usual.
“So,” he says, taking a big drag, “this is a fucked-up situation. I won’t lie, and it’s all off the books.” He takes another drag.
“Okay …”
“The director saw your little standoff with Landon yesterday, too. I got word this morning that she’s pissed about it.”
“What? Why would she even care?” I hiss, thinking of the devastating look on his face when he told us about his diagnosis. “It’s none of her business. I could go to hum?—”
“Wait,” he cuts in, smoking down almost half the cigarette in one big, long, stressful inhale. “Just wait. Technically, you’re right. You could go to human resources, but it won’t be like that. It’ll be a simple case of finding some other excuse. Even if you did go to HR, it would be your word against hers. Don’t you see, Lily?”
“Oh, fuck,” I say after a pause. “If they go digging for a reason to get rid of me?—”