Page 56 of My Silver Fox Savior

He replies quickly, making me think he’s been waiting for this. I wonder if he’s been feeling the urge to contact me as strongly as I have to contact him.I’m okay. I’m doing my best. I can’t get into specifics but know I’m thinking about you, Lily. I miss you badly. I wish we could’ve shared everything we did under different circumstances.

We’ll get our chance,I type, my emotions suddenly rising close to the surface. I’ve nearly cried too many times recently.

You don’t have to commit to anything now.

We can find a way,I reply, not thinking about work for a moment, about Carter, the director, the threat of losing my job.Just come back safely and soon.

I’m doing my best,he texts.Nothing would make me happier than finding a way with you, whatever that means for us, however long it lasts. But I don’t want to hurt you.

Maybe being apart from you hurts even more.

You’re so damn sweet. So perfect. Let’s talk more when this is over.

I almost type, “I want to help,”but I can’t. I have to be strong. I have to remember the consequences. Helping Landon means losing my job and being unable to help more kids.

I’m sorry for making it hard for you to focus.

You’re the reason I can focus on this at all,he tells me.Without you, I never would’ve felt this passion again.

Is that a good thing? Is it good that he feels like this—ready to tear the world apart? He should spend his final days with his loved ones, savoring the time he has left, but I heard Ethan. Before me, he never cared about stuff like that. He never cared about himself or his own feelings.

I wish I could help.

You can help me by keeping yourself safe. If I can think of you over there, calm, collected, and SAFE, then it’s one less thing to worry about.

You don’t need to worry about me,I reply.I’d never say this to Mom, but I’ve been taking care of myself for years.

That doesn’t mean I don’t want to take care of you.

I want that, too. So bad, but I shouldn’t.

Neither should I,he texts.It’s a damn cruel thing for me to do—make us both care.

Never say that again. Never even think it. The time we have is the time we have.

The time we have is the time we have,he replies.I like that. Talk soon.

I thought we weren’t supposed to be speaking.

Yeah, I know. But now that I’ve heard from you, there’s no damn way I’ll be able just to pretend you don’t exist.

I smile and clutch my phone to my chest. It’s a moment of heat and release that makes me feel silly only when I realize I’m doing it. I put my phone down, reminding myself how serious this is. I can’t let my hopes and wants get carried away, either. I can’t pretend this is going to have a happy ending.

Sleep doesn’t come, so I get up and use the en-suite shower. I get to thinking how many times I’ve stood in the shower with the water dripping down me, hot, steamy, making me think of Landon, my knight in shining armor. My body heats up as I wish he were here, wish he would appear in the steam and wrap his arms around me, pushing his naked body against mine.

If we get another chance, I’ll throw myself at him. I won’t let the virgin nerves have a single say. I won’t let them dictate what I should do and who I should be. I’m going to jump on him, kiss him, hold him, remind myself he’s real, and he’salive.

After the shower, I go into the kitchen. The lady from last night, Rosie, sits at the bar with a cup of coffee. The bar is next to the tall windows that overlook the city. I realize this building must be directly next to Landon’s. It was too dark, and I was too panicked to notice that last night.

The woman turns, seeming more sober now. Less wired. Or maybe just less angry. “Oh, hello,” she says.

“Hi,” I reply, remembering what she said about Landon and hating it. “How are you this morning?”

“Just hanging around. Ethan put on quite the show last night.” She laughs with a somehow mocking mixture of curiosity and disbelief. “Whoareyou? It was so strange last night, I have to say. One minute we were … and the next, he had to go. Are you family? His secret girlfriend?”

“No,” I say.

“Of course not.” She puts her hand over her mouth. “Girl, I’m so sorry. That was absentminded of me.”

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