“The way you’re going, you won’t make a good sheriff either ... or even chief deputy. You need to make some changes in your lifestyle.”
Even though her grandmother’s words were gently said, protest swelled inside Alex. Never in a million years would she think her grandmother wouldn’t have her back. “What’s wrong with my lifestyle? I don’t drink or smoke or—”
“Hear me out before you get all upset.” Her grandmother took a sip from the cup she’d brought to the table. “You’ve been so focused on this goal that you’ve ignored everyone else in your life, including me and your grandfather. You’re living a one-dimensional life, and that’s not good.”
“But—”
“Think about it. Until you were shot and then your grandfather’s heart attack, we were lucky to see you once a month.” Gram gave her a pointed look. “And how about Nathan? You two were close once, and I think you could be again.”
“I don’t have time—”
“Are you hearing me? Or is this obsession you have with climbing to the top drowning out my words?”
“I hear you. You’re saying I’m not good enough for the job.”
“I’m not saying that at all.” She gently took Alex’s hand. “Nothaving time for a life outside of your job is what I’m talking about, not that you don’t come by it honestly.”
“What do you mean?”
Gram raised her brows. “Ask your grandfather what happened when he did that.”
Alex frowned. When her grandfather had been filling her in on policy and procedures before she was sworn in, he’d pressed the issue of not making the chief deputy job her life, but he hadn’t explained why. “You tell me.”
Her grandmother stared down at their clasped hands for a long minute and then took a deep breath. “We almost divorced.”
“No.” Alex shook her head. They were an advertisement for long marriages. “That would’ve never happened.”
“It could and almost did.” Gram released her hand and stood. Then she refilled her coffee cup and held the pot up with a question in her eyes, and Alex shook her head.
“What happened?” She wasn’t sure she wanted to know.
Her grandmother sat back down in the chair and sipped the steaming coffee before she set the cup on the table. “When your grandfather first became sheriff, he was so focused on the job, he didn’t have time for me or your father. Sometimes I think he worked 24/7. I got tired of never seeing him and told him either find a way to be home more, or I was leaving, and I was taking your father with me.”
Alex felt her mouth drop open. “You didn’t.”
Gram pressed her lips in a straight line and nodded. “I don’t like seeing you do the same thing. Just like your grandfather didn’t ask for God’s input, I imagine you haven’t discussed this goal of yours with God, either.”
“I don’t think I would have this goal if God hadn’t given it to me.”
“He may have given you the desire to be police commissioner,just like he gave your grandfather his desire to be sheriff, but God doesn’t want you to let it consume your life. There has to be a balance, and there will be if you bring him into it.”
Alex sighed. After her father died, she’d been cut adrift, wandering aimlessly. It wasn’t until she came up with the goal of becoming police commissioner that she found her footing.
“I’d really like to see you and Nathan get together.”
Alex jerked her head toward her grandmother. “What?”
“I didn’t stutter, girl. Nathan is a good man, and I see the way he looks at you.” Her grandmother grinned. “And the way you look at him when you think no one’s looking.”
“Nathan and I ... that’s not happening.”
“Alexis, if you keep running from love, you’ll end up all alone.” Gram raised her eyebrows as she took a sip of coffee. “You’re not still mad at him for beating you out as valedictorian back in high school, are you?”
Gram would remember that. “ Of course not.”
“You sure?”
“I’m sure.” She ran her finger down the metal cup. “It’s just ... I really wanted to go to UC at Irvine, and I blamed him for a long time for not getting in.”