Page 32 of Dopplebanger

“Sorry,” Evan said. “My mind froze up for a second when you said ‘threesome.’”

I playfully kicked his leg. “Such a guy thing to say.”

“Guilty as charged,” he said, then he wrapped his hand around my foot, the warmth of his palm soaking into my skinand sending a flush of heat up my leg to settle low in my gut. “In case you haven’t noticed, I am a guy.”

“Oh, I’ve definitely noticed.” In fact, I was acutely aware of his muscular thigh underneath my foot, the way the firm line in his forearm stood out, and how every inch of him dripped masculinity. Once again I marveled that he’d somehow chosen me of all the more put-together women who undoubtedly hit on him.

A grin curved his lips as he renewed the drag of his fingers. “Don’t take that as me not being interested, though. It’s more I wish I could say something that would make you feel better, but nothing I come up with seems good enough. I can tell your friends hurt you, yet clearly you miss them.”

For some reason, his saying it out loud made tears prick my eyes. It wasn’t a newsflash or anything. “I do. I miss them. Like I don’t want to miss Paige, and I’m so mad and hurt, and the betrayal…” To my dismay, my voice cracked. “But I miss her anyway. And I don’t want to punish Madison for still being friends with her, but it feels like she picked her. I know that’s not fair, because they live in the same town, and they have history, too. I guess I never thought I was cool enough for them anyway. Hanging out with Madison and Paige made me more interesting. More fun.”

“That’s not true. You’re plenty interesting and fun—who else could make a stop at a gas station so much fun? Seriously, I’ve laughed more on this trip with you than I have in months.”

“You always seem to have plenty of fun no matter what you do or where you go.”

He turned those ridiculously blue eyes on me, so much intensity in them that my breath caught in my throat. “Not like I’ve had with you the past few days. Trust me, it’s different.”

“Well, I feel the same way.”

“No matter what happens after this, just…”

Apprehension rose. Why did it seem like he was getting ready to say goodbye forever? Not only were we only halfway through our road trip, all of a minute or so ago, I thought we’d reached a deeper level in our relationship. “Kind of a bad place to stop, dude. I know I’m the queen of rambling and probably don’t know when to stop talking—for example right now, I just keep blathering on and on because I’m afraid of what you’re going to say next, but…” I pulled my feet off his lap and hugged my knees against my chest in case I needed them for a shield. “Yeah.”

“Sorry,” Evan said. “I clearly suck at this.”

“This being…?”

He swallowed, his gaze flicking to the road before coming back to me. “I just want you to know how awesome you are. It’s like you don’t realize it, and I don’t understand how that’s possible. When we go to the wedding, I promise that I’ll be right by your side and that I’m here for whatever you need, but also know that you will be just fine no matter what happens.”

“Because you’ll be with me?”

Was that sadness or resignation that flickered across his face? “Because you’re you, and I have faith you could take on the world if you set your mind to it.”

Such a nice thing to say, and yet that frustrated yet flattered yet confused sensation set in again.

SEVENTEEN

Holy shit, I was screwing this all up. Everything I wanted to say had all these strings attached, and if I could follow through on those strings, I’d be all for attaching them.

That thought hit me like a sucker punch. Hadn’t I decided that I didn’t have time for a relationship right now?

Figures that I’d find a girl I’d want to take a risk on in the one place I couldn’t go. At her mention of her charismatic friend who talked her into crazy things, my mind went right to my brother. Although I didn’t miss cleaning up his messes and the trouble I’d ended up in because of him, now and then I missed our misadventures. I’d told myself that I had to grow up, and I had, but sometimes it felt like I’d forgotten to let go.

To have fun.

Until I landed here on this road trip with Gwen, who’d reminded me how amazing it could be to let loose a little and live in the now. Which was why I was glad Evan wasn’t here for this mess of an adventure. It meant I got to be the one with Gwen’s feet in my lap, with her opening up to me, which caused more of that gut-wrenching confliction.

Living in the now, remember?Not like it was much of a choice. Once again, leaving her without a reliable ride—preferably one she didn’t want to murder and leave in the woods—wasn’t an option, and after everything she’d told me, I refused to do anything that’d cause her to have to go to tomorrow’s wedding alone, either. It’d be selfish to confess to relieve my guilt only to leave her without someone to lean on.

Or maybe that was yet another justification, one that’d later be piled to my list of crimes.

“Is it weird that taking on the world sounds easier than forgiveness?” she asked, and it took my mind a second to recall what we’d been talking about before my inner monologue decided to present closing arguments.

“You don’t have to forgive everyone by tomorrow.”

“It’d make things a lot easier.”

“Maybe. But forgiveness is easier said than done. That said, I also think we could all use some forgiveness once in a while.” It was such a lawyer thing to do, setting up a defense in advance, just in case. My dad would be proud. Under different circumstances, I might be.

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