Page 44 of Almost

Shaking my head, I look at Kiera almost as if I’m seeing her for the first time again, but this time, I’m not sure I like the person I see. “No. You’ve said plenty; I’ll be back later. I need to think.”

What I need is to be anywhere but here.

I think I understand Thalia a little better now. She wouldn’t run, but she would leave to gather her thoughtsbecause in reality, it’s better to take the time than say something I’ll regret.

My mind kicks into autopilot as I walk away from Kiera to climb into my car, and I just drive.

Fuck.

I’m paying attention to the other cars on the road, but I don’t realize that my mind has directed me to the house that Thalia and Owen’s parents own in Greensboro—the very one I spent my entire childhood growing up two houses down the street from.

Where did everything go so wrong?

This…isn’t supposed to be how my life was going to turn out. I love Kiera, but I didn’t recognize her tonight. Something has changed, and I don’t know if it has something to do with what she learned about Thalia and me, or not. Obviously Kiera is still okay with being around Thalia, or she would have fired her from the wedding the moment she found out the truth behind the depth of our relationship. What I don’t understand is what could have happened this afternoon because I thought everything was fine. The weekend getaway was really good for us to try to establish our new normal, but now I’m wondering if it’s even worth trying.

I rest my forehead on the steering wheel, trying to figure out where I go from here.

I don’t know, though. I really don’t.

The sun has set by the time there’s a knock on the passenger window, and I haven’t figured anything out. Maybe that’s what being an adult is: pretending like if I know what I’m doing, I might actually know at some point.

I unlock the door as Owen’s mom climbs in, offering me a gentle smile. “Hi, honey. I didn’t know if you wereplanning on coming in, or if you were going to sit out here all night?”

I shrug, tapping my fingers on the steering wheel. “I hadn’t decided yet.”

“Zach wanted to come out, but we haven’t gotten to talk in a while.”

“Life has been a little crazy. I’m sorry I haven’t called more,” I apologize, glancing at her reluctantly. After Mimi, Monica is the closest thing I have to a maternal figure. It’s an awful thought, but days like today make me glad my parents can’t see the mess I’ve made of everything.

“We’re getting closer to the wedding; are you excited?” she asks, bringing up the one thing I’m not sure I want to talk about.

I attempt to muster a smile, but it’s not believable.

At the rate things have been going, I’m not sure if there even will be a wedding taking place.

“Yeah. I’m excited.”

“You might want to be more convincing next time someone asks.”

Probably. I’m not sure I have it in me to care. “I don’t know. Things with Kiera haven’t been good for a while now, and it’s making me second-guess if this is what the rest of my life is going to look like.”

“Did this all start before or after you asked Thalia to photograph the wedding?”

I glance at her, the anxious pit in my stomach rolling. As much as I would love to blame all my problems on asking Thalia to photograph the wedding, I can’t. We weren’t communicating prior, and I wasn’t honest with Kiera. It was always hanging over my head like a dark cloud.

“Before. Having Thalia involved didn’t do me any favors, though.” I breathe out shakily. Admitting I’m possibly going down the route of another failed relationship isn’t fun. “I thought it was all the wedding planning putting stress on our relationship. It feels like we’re fighting a lot more than we should be. I hate fighting with Kiera.”

Mrs. Lewis is quiet for a moment as she twists her wedding ring on her finger. “I’m sorry to hear that, Sebastian. I wish I knew the right thing to say, but no couple is perfect. Everyone fights and goes through their own tribulations, but that’s a part of marriage.”

I rub my temples because I know everyone fights, but I can’t get the feeling that something is wrong out of my brain. “I have this idea of what a marriage should look like based off Mimi and Grandpa’s, but I’m not sure if Kiera and I fit that mold anymore.”

“It’s always different on the inside than it looks on the outside. When Zach and I were getting married, it felt as if the weight of the world was on my shoulders to plan the perfect wedding, and I wasn’t marrying a public figure either.” My cheeks flush because I hate that’s what I am. All I’ve ever wanted to do was play football, but I want to still feel like a human outside of it. “I didn’t figure out until after the actual day happened that it didn’t matter what color the flowers were, or who sat where—what mattered was that I married the love of my life.”

The last four words echo in my brain: love of my life.

I love Kiera, but that’s not what she is to me. Is it selfish to still go through with it knowing that?

“We got into a fight tonight—actually, I think it was a continuation of something I thought we’d fixed, but I have no idea. All I know is that things were fine between Kieraand me when we got back from our weekend trip, but my agent needed to meet with me about one of my sponsorships, and I asked Kiera if she could pick Zeus up from Thalia’s. I don’t know what was said between them, but something happened because Kiera was hysterical when I got home. Lia texted me on my way back to let me know she quit the wedding and was keeping Zeus. She must have turned her phone off because I couldn’t reach her after that. Kiera was…very upset, but she wouldn’t tell me what happened when I asked because ‘it shouldn’t matter.’ I wanted to understand, and Kiera took it as me defending Thalia, which I guess I was? None of it makes sense, though.” I drag my hands over my face, groaning out loud. What a fucking disaster today has turned out to be.

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