Page 25 of Save Me

Tap. Tap. Tap.

The footsteps sound closer, and I feel a familiar sense of dread and panic wash through me.

This is not real. This cannot be real.

I open my eyes, only to see Ryan on his knees beside the bed, his expression full of worry.

I try to look around the room but my eyes feel unnaturally heavy, and I can barely keep them open. I close them again, not that I could see much from lying on my stomach. I take a few deep breaths, inhaling a familiar scent, and move my fingers, the dark silky sheets familiar beneath my touch.

I’m in Jax’s bed.

I sigh and the panic subsides as I realize I’m still dreaming.

“I am so sorry.” I open my eyes slightly at the sound of Ryan’s shaky voice, his eyes frantically searching mine.

I smile, unfazed by his words, and a small laugh escapes my lips. “What are you talking about?”

His brows furrow slightly. “Everything, Evi. I’m so sorry for everything.”

I glance at him, at the worry etched into his face.

“This is nice,” I say, skirting past his question. “I haven’t had a dream like this since…” I trail off, my thoughts feeling cloudy.

“You’re not dreaming,” he interjects.

I look at him, still blurry as I try to keep my eyes open.

“You’re here, Evi. Truly here. Jax is on his way back… He’s been by your side since we found you. We’ve been waiting for you to wake up after—”

“No,” I cut him off, shaking my head slowly as I try to push up off the bed, my muscles screaming in protest. My limbs feel heavy and disconnected from my brain, moving like molasses despite the panic starting to rise in my chest.

“Careful, you’ll tear your stitches.” Ryan closes the gap between us, his hand resting on mine.

I flinch at the contact and my arm recoils towards my body on instinct as I close my eyes. A familiar wave of shame and guilt rolls through me, and my stomach heaves in response, my body set on edge by his touch.

I open my eyes, expecting to wake up, to see Tanner in front of me. But Ryan is still here and his shoulders slump as he lets his hand fall slowly to his side.

I can feel my heart beating rapidly in my chest as I try to process everything that’s happening, my brain finally catching up as hope starts to bloom within me. My hands tremble as I realize how scared I am to cling onto something as fragile as hope and risk having it snatched away again.

Ryan looks at me, grief etched into his usually happy features.

“Jax found you, Evi. He found you after they…” His eyes drop to the floor but I catch a glimmer of violence behind them, screaming to be unleashed. He takes a deep breath before continuing, his fists opening and closing by his side. “We found you and brought you here. Our doctor fixed you up… You had stitches and have been on some pretty strong pain relief, so I understand the confusion…” He trails off, looking at me as my hands start to shake more violently, an internal battle forging within me.

Iwantthis to be real, Ineedthis to be real, to be here, safe with Ryan and Jax. I’ve wanted nothing but this nightmare to be over since it started. But… I try to catch my breath as my breathing becomes shallow and fast, my body clammy.

My body heaves as a sob escapes my lips.

“Evi,” Ryan says, stepping towards the bed again, his hand reaching to my shoulder.

I withdraw from his touch, scrambling to the far side of the bed, my body on fire as something warm trickles down my back.

“Donottouch me,” I say through the tears. I can feel myself shrinking away from him, I can see the horror and pain in Ryan’s eyes.

I’m trembling and I can’t stop it, even as I recognize Ryan in front of me, I can’t switch it off. It’s like my body has been rewired—reprogrammed—and everything is a threat.

I sink onto the cool floor, the bed acting like a wall between us, and rest my head on my knees. I feel something inside of me cracking, my chest is heavy with defeat while my body simultaneously starts to spark with adrenaline, and the urge to escape becomes overwhelming.

“Fuck,” Ryan exclaims quietly, his steps pacing back and forth. But he doesn’t come any closer to me, staying safely on his side of the bed.

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