Page 34 of Save Me

Strong arms pull me towards him as Jax holds me tightly against his chest. I stop trying to hold in the emotions as they flood through me, sending wave after wave of anguish to the surface. I hear Jax’s voice quietly beside me, narrating the rhythmic sound of his own breathing.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

I cry until I have no tears left, and the hurricane of emotions in my chest has dissipated, the pain replaced by exhaustion.

It doesn’t take long before all I hear is the sound of Jax’s heart beating steadily in his chest. His melodic voice and the warmth radiating from his body lull me until I’m not quite asleep but not quite awake.

I’m somewhere in between, somewhere where I’m free from the nightmares that plague me at night and the memories that haunt my every waking moment.

Jax shifts slightly, unintentionally startling me as he pulls a blanket over top of me and wraps it snuggly around my naked body.

“Thank you,” I mutter quietly, as my eyes find him. “I’m sorry I couldn’t… I didn’t think I would react like that.” I can’t help the embarrassment that coats my words as they come out of my mouth. It shouldn’t be so hard to be with someone you’ve been with before, should it?

“Love,” Jax says with a sigh, “you have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. Nothing.”

His lips find my forehead as his thumb wipes a tear off my cheek.

“I’m not going to lie and say that I don’t miss this… the taste of you is my favorite flavor, and I would do anything to lose myself inside of you every day. But it’s not the oxygen I need to breathe, love… you are. Never forget that. All of this”—he gestures vaguely—“can wait. I can wait. What’s important is that you’re okay. And I’ll be here every step of the way.”

“Thank you,” I murmur.

He continues to run his hands over my skin in smooth, repeated patterns, pausing only to wipe the tears from my cheeks. I sense that his movements are deliberate, keeping my focus on his touch rather than the thoughts swirling around inside my head.

I don’t know how much time has passed before I’m truly able to relax, his presence calming every part of me. He adjusts the buttery soft blanket around me so it’s snug against my skin.

“You’re good at this.”

“I’ve had practice.”

My eyes dart to him both at the realization that I had spoken out loud and his response.

“You’ve done this before?”

“I have,” he says, and something I can’t decipher lies behind his words.

“For who?”

“My sister.”

The grief in his words is palpable, and the pain behind his eyes is almost too much to bear.

I remain frozen, unsure of what to say.

Jax has a sister.

Confusion and curiosity battle within me as I both want to know more and realize I really don’t know much about him at all.

“I didn’t realize you have a sister,” I start tentatively.

“Had.”

Shit.

Words escape me for a moment as the gravity of his words sink into me. Past tense.Had.

My heart breaks for him knowing what kind of loss he has faced. I have often wondered what the cause of the darkness behind his eyes could be, and now it seems as though I have figured out a piece of that puzzle.

“I’m so sorry…” I start, unsure of what else to say.

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