Page 51 of Save Me

“Morning, Mr. Turner,” I say in response as he pulls me closer into him.

For a minute this morning feels like a dream, memories of his hands, tongue, lips, and cock swirling around my head. The pleasure I feel when we’re together, the desire and need only he can pull out of me, feels impossibly good, as though it belongs in dreams and not reality. I look to Jax, and the satisfied look on his face confirms I was in fact not dreaming.

“That was—” I start, unsure of how to express exactly what I feel about what we did. About the fact that we had sex for the first time since, well, sincethen, and it went well. Better than well.

“Incredible,” Jax cuts me off. “You are incredible.”

He somehow manages to pull me even closer to him and I close my eyes as he kisses me tenderly, lovingly.

“How do you feel?”

“I feel…”How do I feel?I take a deep breath, trying to make sense of what I feel, the mix of emotions and physical sensations hard to put into words. “I feel… good. Better than good, thanks to you,” I say with a lazy smile. “And I’m feeling okay about well, having sex, for the first time since.” I gesture vaguely.

“I think you’re incredibly brave.” He kisses my forehead before slowly easing off of the bed. I soak him in, in all his naked glory, as he walks towards the bathroom.

“Give me a few and I’ll have a bath ready for you. And then”—he looks back over his shoulder—“we’ll spend the rest of the day doing exactly what we did this morning.”

*

Not long laterI’m stepping into the tub, the lavender bubbles lapping at my skin as I slowly submerge myself into the warm water. There’s a slight ache between my legs, and I let the warmth of the bath lull me as I start to relax even more, struggling to stay awake after feeling thoroughly spent thanks to Jax. I close my eyes as I let the sounds of the running water and the floral scent float through the room.

Jax.

I have never felt so thoroughly satiated as when I’m with him, never felt so completely worshipped and adored as when his body is on mine, and never so seen as when I am with him. I mull his words over as I pick up a loofah, running it over my skin so the bath oils and bubbles are massaged into me.Brave.It felt easier to believe when he said it, but I guess what I’m doingisbrave, trying to get back to the old me, trying to get back to the oldus.

Where was your bravery when Tanner was involved?

The thought hits me like a blow, disappearing as quickly as it came.I wasn’t brave with Tanner, I didn’t even try to be brave with him.

I keep washing myself, scrubbing my arms and legs, as I try to ignore the thoughts, the reality, that’s resurfacing inside of me.

I should have been brave instead. I should have done something, anything, instead of just giving up, instead of staring at the door, hoping someone would rescue me, unable to save myself.

I try to ignore my thoughts, try to focus on what Idid, try to focus on Jax’s words, on his touch, on the way he makes my body come alive. But I can’t. Each time I think of his hands roaming over my body IfeelTanner. Each time I think about the way Jax’s mouth makes me come alive, I canhearTanner’s breath in my ear, his words leaving invisible scars in their wake.

I keep scrubbing, keep rubbing my skin until it feels raw, until I’m more focused on what I’m actually feeling than what men have made me feel, good or bad.

I only stop when I hear the click of the door a second before Jax walks back into the bathroom, a lazy smile on his face and a towel in his hand.

“Straight from the dryer.” He holds up the towel by way of explanation.

I give him a small smile and thank him while quickly trying to lock down everything I’m feeling, and everything that I’m hearing and seeing in my head, and only then do I stand from the tub, and let him wrap me in the towel.

It feels like heaven, being wrapped in something so warm, and I try to let everything melt away, only focusing on this feeling overwhelming my body in the best way possible.

As we walk out of the bathroom and into the bright room, I hear Jax’s footsteps stop behind me.

I turn, only to see his eyes sweeping the parts of my body not covered by the towel. I follow his gaze, looking at my skin, now red and angry from the vigorous scrubbing.

“Shit, love, I didn’t think I put the water so hot—”

“No, no, it was lovely. Promise.” I try to reassure him, unable to stomach the worry on his face. “I just got carried away washing myself is all. I was lost in my own thoughts and didn’t realize I was scrubbing myself for so long.” I give him the most convincing smile I can muster.

He looks as though he’s going to say something more, but stops himself, accepting my lie even if he doesn’t look like he fully believes me. He simply walks up to me, kissing me gently on the forehead.

“I’m here to listen, love. The good, the bad, the ugly, you can talk to me about it all.”

I don’t say anything in response to him, unable to bear the idea of lying any more than I already have. Instead, I lean into his touch, lean into his words, and let him lead me back to bed, ready for a day of doing nothing except lying beside him.

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