Page 92 of Save Me

“It’s okay, I’m used to it, you’re not the first woman who has had trouble keeping her eyes—”

I don’t let him finish his sentence, not as my pillow is launched at him, and his laugh fills the room.

“Okay, okay, you’re theonlywoman who has trouble keeping her eyes off of me,” he says. I grab another pillow, ready to playfully launch it at him, before he puts his hands up in defeat. “And I wouldn’t have it any other way. Now stop throwing pillows at me and come here,” he says, propping himself up so he’s sitting against the headboard.

I sit next to him, snuggled with his arm around me, nuzzling into the warmth and safety he provides.

“Any particular reason you couldn’t sleep, or is fawning over me a full-time job?” I give him a look before he continues, “Seriously, love, what’s on your mind?”

“Nothing. Everything. I don’t really know.” I take a deep breath, thinking about everything I want to tell him. “I think I’m worried, worried that confronting them will make this one hundred percent real. You know I’m good at keeping things down”—he nods in agreement—“you know I’ve struggled at times, accepting everything that happened, pretending none of it was real. And I guess I just worry that confronting them, will solidify that this actually happened. I’m nervous too, about seeing them, about facing them after what they did, what they’re responsible for. I’m nervous that I won’t be able to do it, won’t be able to stay strong, and that they’ll get the last laugh, seeing me broken, seeing that what they did has impacted every facet of my existence. And I don’t want that.”

Jax’s hands trail idle circles over my thigh, as he contemplates what I just said.

“I think you’re the strongest person I know,” he says, looking at me, his green eyes burning into my own. “I don’t think your strength is dependent on whether or not you confront them, on whether or not you’re composed when you do. I think you’ve already proven, just by being here, how strong you are, and I don’t think anyone can take that from you now.”

I’m speechless, the butterflies in my chest drawing me to him, as I kiss him tenderly on the lips.

“Has anyone told you you’re extremely easy to love?” I murmur quietly.

“Only you.” He smiles, kissing me back, his tongue exploring my mouth slowly, as if he has all the time in the world to figure out who I am. He pulls away slowly. “You sure you want to do this? You sure you want to be there when they die?” he asks, his voice quiet and stern.

“I’m sure. I’m not some fragile doll you need to keep sheltered from your lifestyle. All in or all out, remember? I need this, but more than that, Iwantthis.”

“I find it extremely hot that you want to kill them.”

“And I find your mental stability questionable.” I laugh, and Jax joins me before his mouth finds mine again.

“I could do this forever, you know,” I whisper quietly, my lips still pressing against his.

“What? Point out my stability, or lack of?” he says playfully.

“This, Jax,” I say softly, as I sit up before putting my leg over him, straddling him on the bed. “I could do this forever.” I kiss him again and again, our mouths exploring each other as if it’s the first time, as his hands grab onto me, pulling me closer into him.

He pulls away ever so slightly, bringing his hand up to caress my face. “And I could do this forever, love… I could happily spend my entire life getting lost in you over and over again.”

My breath hitches as he pulls my sleep shirt over my head slowly, my nipples pebbling as the cool air touches them, then Jax’s mouth is on me, his tongue trailing circles over my breasts, his hands gently roaming my body and pulling me in closer to him.

My body responds to him, my soul too, as I yearn for everything he can give me. I move my hips, grinding against thehardness that’s now beneath me, and I feel the familiar ache for him between my thighs.

CHAPTER 38

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Ipace behindthe front door, waiting for Ryan to pick me up and bring me to Jax.

He promised he wouldn’t kill Rhett and Tanner, promised he’d bring me to them, but he wanted to see them first, wanted tospeakwith them before I arrived.

A part of me wanted to say no, wanting to be the only one to deal with them, but I also knew Jax was hurting, Ryan too, and they wanted their own moment to release some of the things they had been feeling; the opportunity to unleash the anger, pain, and frustration that had taken up so much of their lives lately. Still, I can’t help the uneasy feeling that is churning inside of me, wondering what state Rhett and Tanner will be in when I see them, and what side of Jax and Ryan I’ll witness.

I pick up my phone, looking at the time, as I continue to tread the length of the entryway and back, waiting for the sound of Ryan’s motorcycle coming back for me. As if on cue my phone starts to ring, and I look at the screen in anticipation, but it’s not Jax or Ryan’s name that flashes across the screen.

“Hello?” I say tentatively.

“Evi, hi.”

It takes everything to remember to breathe as I freeze, before my shoulders sag with relief, his voice nostalgic in my ear.

“Garrett…” I don’t know what to say, how to go back to talking to him after months of radio silence. My hand tightens around my phone, frustration and anger bubbling to the surface.My stomach feels as though I’ve been punched as I remember the pain of being cut off from him so suddenly.

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