Page 20 of Mountain Refuge

As I bent to pick up Henry from his makeshift crib, I couldfeel my fears that had abated at Corbin’s voice over the radio returning in full force.

There were too many unknowns.

Lydia was awoken by Henry’s cries. I knew how tired she was and wanted her to rest, but I also knew that if she slept now, she’d be up all night. It was best to get her up, fed, and keep her entertained at least until eight in the hopes she’d sleep through the night.

“Good morning, my angel.” I bent to kiss her forehead.

“Hi, Daddy.” She stretched her little arms up in the air. “Are you okay?”

My heart expanded at her sweetness. “I am very okay. Thank you for being my big girl and taking care of your brother while I was sick.”

She looked bashful, not meeting my eyes. “I was scared. You said not to trust anyone, but I had to trust Brooke. I had no choice!”

“Shh,” I calmed her, stroking her hair. “You did the right thing, Angel. You were right to trust Brooke.”

She still looked unsure. “Really?”

“Yes, Angel. In fact, with the weather outside, Brooke has invited us to stay a little longer. Then we’re going to meet up with Uncle Corbin.”

Lydia had never been introduced to extended family before. She was excited to meet someone I’d claimed to be her uncle. I wondered how I would explain Mrs. Mullaney. My little girl was short on female attention and I wondered if she would view Mrs. Mullaney in a maternal way.

“Come on. Let’s get you up.” I moved the throw off of her, keeping a tight grip on a squirming Henry. “Potty and then we’ll head into the kitchen for some lunch. Brooke made us some soup.”

I did not offer up the detail that it was made with coyote meat.

The rest of the day was spent organizing the supplies we had left. Brooke went outside to check her water stores. I didn’t know what that meant or what she would do if they were low. I supposed this was stuff I was going to have to learn if we were going to be living on the mountain for the time being. Maybe I’d ask her to show me the next time she went out.

Brooke went through her available food to determine what was baby appropriate. She didn’t have a purée machine or a blender. Mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, mashed corn, and the like should be easy enough to make with what she had. I didn’t know what baby supplies Corbin was able to bring down, but I figured that would last us a while. I had enough formula left in the tub to get him through two more weeks.

Diapers were another story. We were going to be out of those likely sooner than Corbin could get here. Thankfully, Brooke found some towels she was willing to sacrifice to the cause and cut them into the shape we needed to be a secure diaper. Safety pins were also located. I was sure there were other ways to make reusable diapers but we had to work with what we had. Brooke adjusted her predictions of her water stores with the added laundry that was going to be needed.

I had forgotten Lydia’s coloring book and crayons in the car when I’d packed in our rush to escape the storm. Brooke got her a notebook and a pen. We spent the afternoon working on math problems while Henry had some tummy time. I wished I had a mobile or something visual to entertain him with.

I could tell Lydia wasn’t paying attention in her studies as much as she usually did. She was still tired, but she also kept glancing at the door like she expected it to be broken down at any minute. I needed to get some privacy from Brooke to have an overdueconversation with her. Lydia was old enough to understand the severity of the situation we’d found ourselves in. I wished she didn’t. I wished she was too young to remember any of this like Henry was.

I didn’t want to wait the week until we were at Corbin’s to have the conversation either. After dinner, which was an unknown meat roast with veggies, I took the kids into the bathroom to have a bath. I was very grateful Brooke’s shower was a tub. Brooke followed us to take the kids’ clothes. She said she would wash them while I kept them occupied. I smiled my gratitude to her. She smiled back, almost nervously.

Today had been…nice. For the first time, I had a sense of what it would be like to have a partner in raising the kids. I’d never had that. The support felt intoxicating. To not always have to beon. To not have to have an eye on each child on opposite sides of the room. To be able to leave the room to have a moment of privacy in the bathroom without worrying the kids were out of my sight.

I turned away from the door, closing my two naked children in with me. My train of thought was approaching dangerous territory. Even if Brooke and I did learn more about each other, even if I was attracted to her, she could never be a permanent part of our lives. For the rest of our lives, the kids and I would be in hiding. Brooke would never be a part of that. It was selfish to even contemplate.

I liked her. A lot. She was funny, tough, sweet… She didn’t cringe or flinch when holding a diaper full of exploded baby poop. She was a great cook and I admired how she had carved out a piece of this mountain as her own. While the prospect of living on a mountain had never occurred to me before, I knew people did it. I probably stereotyped them as crazy men or doomsday preppers. It never crossed my mind that a woman would choose to live this lifestyle.

But it suited her. Brooke was confident in everything she did.

Once I got a low level of water in the tub, I guided Lydia in and then sat Henry down next to her. He immediately started giggling, splashing his chubby little legs and hands around. I kept a hand on his back to support him while handing a loofah to Lydia. She was reaching that age where she didn’t need her dad to bathe her. I knew this playtime with her was limited and was grateful she enjoyed playing with her brother in the water. I didn’t see any harm in letting her have this time, even if some parents would look down on me, a dad, for having my seven-year-old daughter naked in the bathtub.

I looked at this as extra time for her to be a kid. Maybe even giving her back time that she’d lost to be a kid.

As the water started to get cold, I knew our playtime was coming to an end. I needed to take advantage of this time to talk to Lydia without Brooke overhearing us.

“Angel?”

She looked up at me, her blonde hair soaked and a giant smile on her face. I hated to take that away by reminding her of our situation. “Yes, Daddy?”

I loved it when she called me that. It was the best title in the world. “You know I will keep you and your brother safe, right?”

She nodded, the trust in her eyes evident. She had such faith in me. I prayed I never destroyed that in her.

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