Page 27 of Crying in the Rain

“For messing you around this evening, for making you feel you have to wear that boring shirt, for driving all the way here for a date because I’m shit-scared of Fergus coming after me, for being too much of a coward to stand up in court and tell them what a violent, abusive bastard he is.”

“I’m going to the gents’,” Ade said, hanging on to his control by a thread as he eased his hand out of Kris’s. “I need to blow my nose and…” The words crumbled away as the tears engulfed him, and he fled across the bar without looking back. He was humiliated enough, and Kris would be halfway to the door already if he knew what was good for him.

***

Kris

Kris stared afterAde, feeling as if a ton of rocks had dropped on him, pinning him to his seat. Now he understood everything—the bruises, the lack of bright colours, the uncertainty about making it for their date, the agreement to come to Kris’s hometown rather than meet up in the city where they worked and where there were a lot more venues to choose from for a night out.

He understood that there was so much he did not understand, and he was sliding too, but it wouldn’t help Ade if he returned to find Kris bawling his eyes out, so he ordered more drinks and opened the script on his phone…and worried…and wondered if he should go and check on Ade. He must have read a hundred lines or more, not a single word registering, before Ade sat down, eyes averted, and took a long drink from his replenished G&T.

It seemed to take a great deal of effort to do so, but eventually Ade looked up and met Kris’s gaze, searching…for understanding? For forgiveness? For someone he could trust? Kris held the eye contact, allowing Ade access to his emotions, letting him know he was wide open and unafraid. Ade smiled weakly.

“I’m really sorry I’ve ruined our evening. It’s very poor dating etiquette.”

Kris shrugged. “You haven’t, and anyway, dating etiquette is just a play with a terrible script. All those shallow questions and answers—‘What do you do?’ ‘Do you come here often?’ ‘What’s number one on your bucket list?’ ‘Can I see you again?’ If you have to ask, you probably already know the answer.”

“God, you’re so right!” Ade laughed, not quite back to his bubbly pre-talking-about-the-abusive-ex self, understandably. “Not that I’ve been on the circuit recently. I imagine it hasn’t changed much. Have you dated anyone since you and Shaunna separated, apart from…you know?”

“Jack? No.” Ade had flipped the conversation, but Kris was fine going along with it, wherever it took them. “I went on nights out with people from work a few times—there are a couple of gay guys I got on well with at the station, both quite a bit younger than I am, so we used to go out in Manchester, clubbing. They were always trying to fix me up, but I’m not into one-night stands. I tried all that when I was at college, and it wasn’t that much fun then.”

“So there’s only been Shaunna for you?”

“And George.”

Ade’s eyebrows rose, and he shuffled closer. “And who’s George, other than someone who puts a smile on your face and turns your cheeks rosy?” He picked up his drink and waited to be regaled. Kris sighed wearily, but he honestly didn’t mind talking about George.

“He was my first boyfriend. We went to the same high school and were together on and off until Shaunna.”

“Did you break up with him for her?”

“No, actually. He dumped me.”

“Outrageous! How dare he!”

Kris laughed. “George wasn’t out, and I was. Very much so. But that was just one of many things we didn’t agree on. I tried to get him to see that we were paving the way for other gay and bi kids, but he couldn’t do it. He’s very sporty—he played for the school football team—and he’s kind of a typical man. Notlike alpha male or anything. Just into lots of things that are traditionally very masculine and heteronormative. Like, for instance, he studied agriculture at uni, then moved to Colorado in his twenties and ran a cattle ranch.”

“That is pretty manly,” Ade said. “And impressive. Should I be worried that one day you’ll drop everything and go join him?”

Kris shook his head. “Definitely not. For a start, he’s back in the UK now.”

“A threat even closer to home!” Ade was mock aghast, or Kris hoped he was laying it on. “Are you still in touch?”

“Yeah. There’s a group of us who’ve stayed friends since school. We’re really close. We pop in to visit each other all the time and celebrate birthdays and go on holiday together—we went to visit George while he was in Colorado. That was…eye-opening.”

“I’ve never been anywhere like that. What was it like?”

“The scenery was incredible, surrounded by snow-capped mountains and so much space, it’s hard to picture, living here. The ranch, though…well, it wasn’t as if George had misled us, but I guess we all imagined a huge homestead with a porch like something offDallas, and it turned out to be a broken-down shack in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by hundreds of cows and horses. Really not my thing. Or George’s. Although some of those cowboys were really, really hot.”

“Go there often, did you?” Ade teased.

“Not often enough!”

They both laughed and clanged their glasses in a toast to ‘hot cowboys’.

“This is nice,” Ade said.

“Yeah, it is,” Kris agreed. Ade looked so much happier than he had, and that made Kris happy too, even if he was feeling a certain amount of pressure to keep the stories coming.

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