Page 2 of Snow Storm

Harley had paid for everything. He had always paid for everything because Darren didn’t work.

“Oh, and we were also talking last night, and we think it’s a good idea if we sell the condo.”

We. We. Ifwesell the condo. The condo in his name? Darren had contributed two thousand dollars to the down payment, but he’d never given a red cent toward the mortgage. Harley felt like the room was crumbling around him.

“Though Jacob did also suggest buying you out of your half, and he and I could live there. Do you really want to stay in that big place by yourself?”

Harley’s throat felt like it was full of razor blades. “I have to go.”

“Babe,” Darren whined.

“Don’t call me that!” It was the first time he’d ever raised his voice to Darren, and it shut him up quickly. “I have to call my lawyer.”

“We’re not even married. Not even common-law, so I don’t know what the problem is.”

“The problem is legally, all this is mine!” Harley took a deep breath so he was no longer shouting. “I…I have to go. I have a deadline. Don’t call me back.”

Then he hung up, buried his face in his pillow, and screamed until he swore his throat was full of blood.

He hadn’t even spoken to Darren face-to-face since that night. The rest of their communication had been through his lawyer or over text. His world had crumbled to the ground in one fell swoop. His thoughts of what his forever was supposed to look like had been ripped away from him.

He didn’t cry, of course. He rarely cried. He threw himself into work instead so he didn’t have to think about how Darren and Jacob were God knows where doing God knows what—probably laughing about what a pathetic, lonely loser he was. Darren would take Jacob home for the holidays, and he was willing to bet every book on his shelf that Darren’s family would love Jacob more than they ever even slightly liked him.

Jacob was gorgeous and charismatic, soft-spoken and pretentious in a way that came off sweet. Harley was awkward small talk and hiding behind Darren so he didn’t seem like such a weirdo. And now, everyone in their life would know that Harley was so forgettable, so replaceable, his ex could swap one body for another, and nothing would change.

Except no. That wasn’t true. Things would change. Darren had someone better.

He had a couple of nights of insomnia where he fantasized about jumping on a plane and showing up wherever the fuck Darren and Jacob were, and he’d be able to win him back. He could join an abs boot camp and get ripped, then buy a new wardrobe, and his glow-up would make Darren regret ever leaving their quiet life in their little waterfront condo.

Except he hated sit-ups. Like, more thananything, he hated sit-ups. Also, he hated clothes shopping. And he wasn’t overly fond of flying either. He usually had to pop a Xanax and plug his ears with Loops and noise-canceling headphones to get through it.

Plus, the idea of confronting someone in public made him break out in hives. Literally. The last time he had to get firm with a fan who was getting a little too friendly, he literally had to take a Benadryl because he’d broken out all over.

And the harshest, most painful truth about it all was that if he did manage to win Darren back, he wasn’t sure he wanted him. Once the initial shock wore off and the pain of having his pride ground into dust at his feet, he realized he wasn’t more miserable without Darren.

He no longer had to walk on eggshells in the mornings. He didn’t have to justify his expenses because Darren wanted a new pair of boots and Harley wanted to pay for a magazine ad for his latest release. He no longer had to feel like shit every time Darren mocked him for rubbing one out in the bathroom,and he no longer had to feel like some kind of absolute reject because every time he made advances, Darren had a headache, or he was busy, or bored, or just heading out.

He was starting to feel like himself again, actually. And he might not have careened toward an emotional breakdown, except the anniversary of his father’s death crept up on him like a quiet ghost, haunting the hours he finally found peace.

One year ago, he’d gotten a call at two in the morning. His brother’s voice had been flat—shock, he figured, but it was strange to hear Wes so quiet and lifeless, especially about their father because Wes and his dad had never gotten along.

And Harley was still processing the fact that Wes had found out before he did. He and his father were close. He was the only person in the world Harley cared about besides Darren—or so he thought—and knowing that he’d missed his chance to say goodbye had nearly destroyed him.

“He died in his sleep. They don’t actually know what it was,” Wes had said when Harley found the words to ask what happened.

Their dad was old. He was in his mid-forties when Harley was born. And everyone used to make fun of him for it, but Harley never noticed or cared that his dad wasn’t as young and spry as most people. His dad loved him—even when he was a strange and lonely child. His dad supported him when his mother had taken her anger out on him. His dad protected him when Wes’s bullying had been at its worst.

And now he was gone.

He had only his mother left, but she had divorced his dad years and years back, and she hadn’t fought even once when Harley said he wanted to live with him.

Christ, he’d loved him so much. His dad had been the only one in Harley’s life to tell him that he was okay. That he didn’tneed to be macho or live up to someone else’s idea of strong or brave.

“Just being yourself is brave enough,” his dad told him when he was worried that his life would never measure up to his brother’s. “You don’t need to compare yourself to Wes or anyone else. Just be you. Harley James? That guy’s great.”

He’d never really believed that, but he wanted to. And a year later, he was still trying. He was living the life he’d chosen and not the life that his mother had attempted to force him into. And while he loved her as much as he could, her being the only one left was killing him. And it wasn’t like she was making an effort to see him. She hadn’t even asked how she was doing in the whole year he’d been gone.

Harley knew he reminded her too much of his dad, and she’d always resented that about him. She hadn’t tried to conceal her favoritism of Wes, and she’d spent all of her time with Harley talking about how much she wished he was like his older brother.

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