Page 41 of Fighting for Lucy

She’d never understoodwhat a broken heart felt like before now.

As Lucy and Zander walked hand in hand through the jungle toward the extraction point, Lucy could feel her heart cracking inside her chest.

While he hadn't offered any answer to her question, she knew what it was without him having to verbalize it. Instead of answering, Zander just told her that it was time to go, gave her water and another protein bar, and helped her stand and led her off into the jungle.

As much as she wished she was wrong, she knew what Zander’s plans had been. Maybe still were.

He hadn't expected to live past his plot for revenge.

Killing the man responsible for taking his team from him was the only thing keeping him going in the aftermath of such a horrific ordeal.

Hearing him tell her what he’d been through, what those poor men had suffered, it had taken every bit of self-control she had not to burst into tears, or throw up. If it wasn’t for the fact that she sensed Zander’s need to feel her arms around him, to have her support and comfort, she would have fallen apart.

But she couldn’t.

Zander needed her and she was going to be there for him.

How could she not after everything he’d done for her?

He was giving up the one thing he needed because of her. There was no way to repay him for that. If it wasn’t for him, her life would already have been forfeit. She had no doubt that what he’d said was true, and whatever agency he was working with would have ordered him to allow her to be killed if it meant getting their man.

The greater good and all that.

But Zander had put her first and that filled her with both warmth and dread.

Because the answer to the question she’d asked him was a simple one. There was no what happened next. For Zander there was no next. There was never going to be a next. He had planned to join the rest of his team in death.

And nothing had changed.

If it had, if he wanted to live now, if he wanted to give this thing between them a chance, then he would have told her so.

The fact that he hadn't told her meant he still intended to die.

Whether he was going to commit suicide or was still going to try to go back and be part of the takedown once he knew for sure she was safe, Lucy had no idea. But she knew he didn't want to live without his team. The guilt he felt—misplaced though it was—was more than he could bear, and she didn't know how to help him, how to shoulder some of his burden.

Or if he’d even let her.

There was something between them, they both knew it, both acknowledged it, but that didn't mean either of them knew what was to come.

Lucy was having a hard enough time figuring out what she wanted. There was a part of her that wanted Zander, craved him, but she was wary of allowing herself to think too much about it because she was pretty sure it wasn’t what Zander wanted.

“Here, this is where we’ll wait,” he suddenly announced, breaking the stifling silence that was every bit as oppressive as the humidity.

“Okay,” she agreed, allowing him to lead her to a space where he thought they could safely wait until the helo arrived. It seemed that Zander had been prepared for any scenario because he’d had a pack hidden at the end of the tunnel. It had canteens of water, water purification tablets, protein bars, MREs, weapons and ammo, and night vision goggles. Since there was only one pair, she’d had to hold onto him and allow him to do all the leading.

Not that she minded. She trusted him.

After hearing what he’d been through there was no way she could blame him for his choices.

Was she still upset that one of her best friends had been hurt? Sure. She wished there had been a way for him to do what he needed to without hurting Scarlett in the process. But he was thinking of nothing else at the time other than surviving the only way he knew how. Revenge was all that had kept him going, and he’d latched onto it with a tenacity that still made her marvel at how he had been able to set it aside for her.

A different kind of need filled her now.

In a way, it was like the arousal drug in that it was all-consuming and difficult to control. It sent fire licking through her veins, and she knew there was only one way to quench that fire.

Only this time it was something she wanted.

There was nothing against her will happening inside her body.

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