Page 51 of Fighting for Lucy

Eagle Oswald had helped him get things sorted out with his superiors and he wasn’t going to face any disciplinary action for leaving early. They all agreed that as soon as Raul’s scientistsfound out Lucy had lied his cover would be blown anyway. Given who Lucy was, who she worked for, and the potential of the drug to save so many lives, they had also agreed that she was an important asset who shouldn’t be lost.

But that didn't mean he knew what happened next.

Legally, he was dead, he’d kept a house and a truck under an alias. At the time he hadn't known why, just that it had seemed like a smart idea. Did he have himself declared undead or stick with an alias? What was he going to do for work? He had some money stashed away but not enough to live on forever. Would he be offered another undercover job? If he was, should he take it or find something else to do?

And how would Lucy fit into all of that?

Just because she’d promised to be there for him didn't mean she wanted to date him. Maybe all she wanted was to be his friend, or worse, maybe she just felt sorry for him after what had happened to his team, and indebted because he’d gotten her out of Raul’s house alive.

Neither was what he wanted.

When he fought down the darkness enough that he was able to be honest with himself about what he wanted, he could acknowledge that he wanted it all. Wanted a chance to date Lucy, get to know her properly, and see if he could fall in love with her. He wanted marriage and kids, wanted the whole big fairytale that Scarlett had always dreamed of and managed to find with a man who seemed to love her like she deserved.

But when the darkness was screaming at him louder than he could ignore, that was what got to him the most.

Scarlett deserved to be loved. She was sweet and kind, she was true to herself and what she wanted. She was brave and strong. She deserved the world and the only man he would approve of for his twin sister was one who would give it to her.

Lucy deserved to be loved as well. All her life, she had been fighting to show the world that she wasn’t defined by her condition, could do anything she set her mind to, and was strong and capable. And she was. She’d survived the hell Raul had put her through, and she hadn't just lived her life, she’d flourished in it. A successful scientist working for a prestigious company, doing good, and finding time to push her limits and have fun. She also deserved the world and he wanted to give it to her.

How could he though?

Because he didn't deserve to be loved.

Joining the military had broken his sister’s heart and pushed away the only meaningful family he had. Then he’d allowed that distance between them to grow and hurt his twin all over again. After which he’d delivered the final nail in the coffin of their relationship and allowed her to believe he was dead.

What kind of brother did that?

Then today he’d let Lucy down as well. After lying to her and almost getting her killed she’d still been prepared—more than that,willing—to give him a chance. It had been clear in the way she’d looked at him as they’d kissed goodbye at the hospital that she wanted some kind of assurance that it wasn’t goodbye. That she would see him again, or at the very least, he’d call or text.

As much as he’d wanted to give her that reassurance he couldn’t.

Because he wasn’t sure that he had what it took to give her the world. To give her the life she deserved. To love her without condition. To never fail her.

After all, he’d failed the seven men he’d been responsible for that day. Men who were family, brothers born of blood. Their deaths would forever be on his conscience, forever weighing him down with guilt he didn't deserve to be set free from. What happened in Syria was a stain on his soul that he knew sooner or later would contaminate everyone around him.

Maybe it was better that Scarlett hated him.

That hatred could keep her alive, keep her safe from his demons.

Safe from him.

Lucy might not hate him, but he could still keep her safe from him and away from his demons by taking himself out of the equation.

There was not a single doubt in Zander’s mind that both his sister and the woman who had somehow managed to grab hold of his heart and make it her own would be better off without him.

He’d done what he needed to do.

Whether he was part of it or not, the date and time of the weapons deal was now in the hands of his superiors. A team would be there when it happened, and the group responsible for slaughtering his team would be stopped, either killed or captured. His team would be avenged.

What else was there left for him to do?

Eyeing the weapon still laid out on the coffee table in front of him, Zander reached out and picked it up. The weight of it in his hand was comforting, and knowing that he could extinguish both the darkness inside him and his ability to hurt the people he cared about with a single bullet filled him with a sense of peace.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

January 26th

3:20 A.M.

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