Page 40 of Fighting for Lucy

It was like being asked to live out the rest of your life with a piece of yourself missing.

“So, I called Prey instead. I told them to give me forty-eight hours and arranged an exfil site. I thought I could get to Raul’s and get you out within that timeframe. If we got out early we’d hide in the jungle, if I needed more time I could call them againand tell them. But I knew that you were more important than any mission. More important than revenge.”

Softness and empathy filled Lucy’s eyes, and instead of asking the questions he dreaded answering, she pressed herself closer, drawing his head down until their foreheads touched. “Thank you. I told you that you were a good man. I know the world we live in, know the evil that exists, and I don’t know what happened to your team, but I know that life is always a better choice than death. Thank you for choosing my life over revenge.”

“My team would have had my head if I didn't save you,” he murmured with a rueful smile.

“They would? How would they even know about me?”

“Because they knew there was a woman I was interested in, they just didn't know your name. They all would have loved you. You're so strong, so brave, and so tough. You do what has to be done and you don’t complain about it, you just do it. I miss them so much. I know I'm doing the right thing but …”

“But you wanted to avenge them,” Lucy finished for him.

“They wouldn’t want that. Not if it meant sacrificing you, but I can't help but feel like I'm letting them down all over again.”

After a pause, Lucy’s hold on him tightened. “What happened to your team, Zander?”

The dreaded question.

One he knew she would ask sooner or later.

There was an easy out. All he had to do was tell her it was classified, and yet this was Lucy, and she’d been dragged into this mess. She deserved an answer.

“Just another terrorist who wanted power and a big death toll. My team had solid intel on where he was hiding out in Syria. We headed in. Turned out the government had underestimated him and the number of men he had willing to fight and die with him. We were outnumbered, overpowered, and captured. They chained us up in this large open-roofed courtyard. The sun andheat were brutal. They didn't give us any water. In the middle of the yard was a table. One by one they took my men, chained them to it, and started killing them. Chopped off fingers, toes, ears at first, then moved on to hands and feet, then arms and legs. They put salt on the wounds to help them heal faster, plus it hurts like hell. I watched all seven of them bleed out in front of me.”

Zander had to pause to still the nausea swelling inside him as the images flashed through his mind in rapid succession.

“Slow deaths. Agonizing deaths. Their screams … damn, I still hear them inside my head, I don’t think they’ll ever go away. The terrorists promised if I gave up the intel they wanted they’d make the deaths quick, but I couldn’t do it. Not that my men wanted me to. I wouldn’t give them the reaction they wanted. Wouldn’t yell at them or lose my cool, on the outside anyway, because inside I was dying along with my brothers. I thought I was going to die there, too, but a team of SEALs came in just before it was my turn on the table and got me out.”

Furious.

That’s how he’d been with those men.

He’d wanted to die by that point, and they were taking away the only thing that might give him any relief, any peace.

“You have to understand, Lucy,” he said a little desperately. “Iwantedto die. IwishedI had died there with my men. That’s why when I was approached with a plan to catch the men responsible for my teams’ deaths I had to take it. I was dead inside anyway. This was all I had. A chance to at least avenge the deaths of seven good men. So, I agreed to fake my death and pretend to have gone rogue. There was intel that Raul Castillo was going to be making a weapons deal with the head of the terrorist cell. Zafir Mostafa. I need him dead. I need him to pay for what he did. I was prepared to sacrifice anything, includingletting my sister believe I was dead, to get that. It was all I’ve lived for the last eighteen months.”

“But you gave up that vengeance for me.” Lucy sounded completely awestruck by that as though he hadn't just told her how he was responsible for the horrific deaths of seven brave soldiers.

“He’ll still pay, I just won't be the one to hand out his punishment.” A sacrifice that was more than worth it. Lucy had to live. Quite simply, his soul needed her to be alive, to be safe.

“Zander?” Lucy asked softly. “What happens next? What do you do after he’s dead?”

That was a question he had no answer for.

Because he hadn't planned on living.

He’d planned on taking out the terrorist and as many of his followers as he could and going out with them.

Now …

He had no idea.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

January 25th

12:47 A.M.

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