Page 50 of Fighting for Lucy

But she feared he wouldn’t.

And alone she wasn’t sure he could fight his demons and win.

January 25th

10:26 P.M.

Loneliness was hittinghim hard tonight.

Which was stupid because Zander had been on his own for a long time.

As a kid, the only person in his life who had truly been on his side was his sister, but they’d been separated at thirteen when their grandparents died and their parents refused to come homeand take care of them. Foster care was tough, but he hadn't been abused, just more of what he’d gotten at home, neglected and ignored. Without his twin there to lessen that ache he’d learned to deal with it alone.

It wasn’t until he joined the military that he finally found the family he’d always known was missing, and the sense of belonging that Scarlett had always talked about.

For as long as he could remember, his twin had been a romantic at heart. While he used to try to make her laugh when she was sad, she always tried to convince him that love existed when he shut down.

There had never been a time when he believed in the kind of love she talked about.

Not until the day he’d met Lucy.

Something had shifted inside him that day, and even though he had never intended to do anything about it, even less so after his team was killed and he faked his own death, those feelings had always been there.

Now after they’d spent time together and he knew how amazing she was, it was even harder to stay away from her.

If she was here right now, snuggled on his lap, the sense of peace, of quiet, that she’d given him would be back.

Instead, the darkness roared inside him.

Ordering him to do things he knew he shouldn’t.

Throw caution out the window, damn the consequences, and go back to Mexico and track down Raul Castillo, make him pay for what he’d done to Lucy. Get to the location he knew the weapons deal was going to take place and get the vengeance his team deserved.

Pick up the weapon that sat on his coffee table and end things the way they should have ended in Syria.

Zander knew he wasn’t supposed to have survived that ordeal. He was supposed to have died along with the rest ofhis team. Knowing that had made deciding to fake his death and take the undercover job so much easier. Because he’d never intended to return alive.

If he couldn’t die with the men he considered his brothers, then he could at least die taking out the men responsible for their horrific deaths.

But he had survived.

And fate had placed the only woman to ever stir up emotion inside him right back in his path.

He didn't regret his decision to put Lucy and her life and safety first, not for a single second, it was the right thing to do, and the only decision his teammates would have respected, but it left him feeling … lost.

What happened next?

How could he expect Lucy to take on him and his demons when she had her own to battle? How could he expect his sister to be okay with him dating one of her best friends when she hated him? How could he be with Lucy when he had absolutely nothing to offer her?

What if he dragged Lucy down into the darkness with him?

What if he destroyed her because he couldn’t control the darkness?

It felt like too big a risk and yet already being without her was hell.

So many times at the hospital he’d ached to ask her out on a date. Something completely normal, pizza and a movie, maybe grab some ice cream after, it didn't matter that it was winter, in his opinion, it was never too cold for ice cream. But underneath the urge was an undercurrent of fear.

His life was far from uncomplicated.

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