Page 54 of Fighting for Lucy

Well, hedidmatter, and she would do whatever it took to convince him of that.

“Zander?” she prompted, going after him. When she placed a hand on his muscled bicep, he shrugged it off, still refusing to turn around and look at her. “Answer me, Zander, were you thinking about committing suicide? Is that why you came here?”

Ever so slowly he turned to face her. His expression was tortured and there was a hopelessness in his eyes she never wished to see again as long as she lived.

He looked so desolate, and there was a distance between them even though there were mere inches between their bodies.

“Were you thinking of killing yourself, Zander?” she asked softly.

Her heart cracked into a million pieces as he uttered his one word response. “Yes.”

January 26th

3:27 A.M.

Zander could have lied.

Told Lucy that he hadn't spent the last few hours staring at a picture of him with his team taken shortly before they left on that fateful mission. It was taken at one of the guy’s houses, and they were having a cookout, laughing and being silly, enjoying the moment of perfectly normal life because they knew how quickly their circumstances could change.

Little did they know how badly and how quickly.

Three weeks later, he was the only one of the eight men in the photo left alive. Four women left widows, six children who would grow up without their fathers.

Looking at that photo, knowing what had been lost because of his refusal to follow his gut, and his overconfidence in believing his Delta Force team was more skilled, more intelligent, and more determined than their enemy.

Gone now.

No way to get them back.

And one very easy way to join them in death.

Told her that it was her he was worried about and not himself.

Anything to get the look of fear out of the wide blue eyes that stared up at him.

But he couldn’t do it.

Because when he’d been sitting in his dark living room, the photo in one hand, weapon in the other, there had been a tiny pinprick of light shining at the back of his mind. A voice echoing in his ears.

“I won't ask you for promises, Zander, but I'm making you one. I'm here. Right here. For as long as you’ll let me be. I’ll wait, I’ll give you space, or not, whatever you want. I'm just here. For you.”

“I'm here for you. I'm not going anywhere.”

Lucy’s words.

Her promises.

They were the only string keeping him tied to the world of the living and they’d tightened tonight, drawing him here. Bringing him to her because as badly as he didn't want to drag her down into the darkness, without her light he was already lost.

Dropping his forehead to rest against hers so he didn't have to see her expression of terror any longer, he whispered, “Yeah, babe. I thought about it. Came close to doing it, but I couldn’t. Because of you.”

Knowing the pressure he was putting on Lucy wasn’t fair and only made him feel worse. They might have known each other for a few years, but only ever at a distance. She was Scarlett’s friend, and he was Scarlett’s brother. Attraction might have simmered between them from the beginning, but chemistry didn't build relationships, it was merely a steppingstone to get you started.

There had been no meaningful talk of the future. They’d exchanged numbers but at the time he hadn't been sure he’d ever call or text. They were at the very beginning of something that might lead to a future or might crash and burn.

Yet here he was, resting his very life on Lucy’s shoulders.

“Didn't know where else to go,” he admitted softly.

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