Page 112 of The Au Pair Affair

He wanted to rip the past down out of the atmosphere and crush it in his fist, but he couldn’t. That was impossible. Time could only move forward.

“Tallulah...” Burgess said, clearing the rust from his throat. “I shouldn’t have come on so strong... earlier. In the lobby. I had a whole apology worked out, but the second I could see you and smell you, my speech didn’t seem worth a damn.”

His apology seemed to surprise her, her mouth opening and closing before she recovered. “Good. You can save it. I’m here for my best friend’s wedding. Rehashing everything that happened six weeks ago isn’t on the agenda.”

“Was it only six weeks ago?” he rasped, his eyes tracing her features. “Feels like a year.”

“Could you just stop...” Was she flustered? Her hands were shaking. “We don’t have to reopen the wound, Burgess. Just let it stay closed.”

“Mine never closed. It will never fucking close.” He couldn’t help it, he took a huge step forward and leaned down to drag in a beggar’s portion of her scent, his hands aching to yank her up against him, to hold her. “If you tell me yours is closed already, I won’t believe you. We need to talk about what happened.”

“Why don’t I just save us both time and tell you we aren’t getting back together? We weren’t even together for fiveminuteswhen you threw me out.” He winced at that—regret carving into his chest like a knife—and whatever she saw on his facecaused her words to trip over each other. “I just... I think it’s for the b-best if we just try and be friends for the sake of Wells and Josephine. It’s only three days.”

“Friends,” he growled like an epithet.

“That’s right.”

He took a step closer, forcing her head to tip back, relieved when her determination waned in the face of his proximity—and he let out the truth in his heart without tempering a single syllable. If she was suggesting they become friends, he didn’t have the luxury of caution. Or time. “I would give up everything I own to go back to that day and tell you I love you, too, Tallulah. I’d smile while handing over my soul to the devil for that chance.” He touched their foreheads together and her lips parted, in shock or protest over his words, he had no idea. “I love you. And I’m sorry I was heartless with you. I felt weak and I only wanted you to see me as strong. When I couldn’t give you strong, I lashed out. I thought I was doing you a favor, but I fucked up the best part of my life. I’m sorry.”

Several beats passed. “Was that your speech?” she whispered, eyes closed.

“You think I could remember a speech with your mouth this close to mine?” Christ, his voice was unsteady. “I couldn’t even tell you the name of the sitting president.”

Tallulah stumbled back as though someone had cut the invisible strings holding them together, trying to keep her features stoic. Breathing until she succeeded. Had she hardened herself against him already? After a week of calling her with no answer, he’d stopped, vowing to get back on his feet and try again, in person. Once he was able-bodied again.

But maybe he was too late?

“Why is this coming out of the blue?” she finally said, her words jumbled and breathy.

Burgess followed her as she backed up, his steps measured.Determined to get them back on the same page. It couldn’t be too late for them. He wouldn’t survive that reality. “You think this is coming out of the blue? I live, eat, and breathe you, Tallulah. You’re what got me through every grueling hour of rehab. I just needed to heal me, before I could heal us.”

“In other words, you needed me gone. You didn’t want me there. But you can’t kick people out and bring them back in at will. You’ll do it again.”

“I won’t.”

“You’re contradicting yourself.”

“If there is ever a next time, I will hold on to you with both hands. Believe me. But this time, I knew I’d have work to do when I saw you again. To fix what I broke. If you ran away from me, I needed to be capable of running after you. I needed to be able to lift my arms to hold you and tell you how fucking sorry I am. I needed to be able to stand up while fighting off your doubts. Next time, if there is one, we’ll be a team.”

“It won’t mean you didn’t rob me of being on your team this time,” she whispered.

His chest dove inward. “I’msorry.”

“I believe that. I do. But I’m not putting myself out there again.”

“That’s not what I’ve been told.” Broken glass scraped the inner walls of his chest, ravaging him at having to say this out loud. “I hear there’s some Sagittarius professor interested in you? Is that true? Are you... dating him? Because I’ve been waking up from nightmares about seeing you with another man for over a month.” He ground his molars together so hard, he swore he could taste blood. “God help me, if you’d brought him, I’d have killed him.”

Genuine perplexity created a crease between her brows. “A professor gave me his number, yes, but I didn’t use it. Do you think I could just jump into something else after...” A linedrive of relief clocked him in the center of his forehead and he wanted more, wanted to hear she was still stuck on him, the way he’d always be stuck on her, but she gave a jagged shrug, her next words escaping in a rush. “Look, I don’t owe you an explanation. I appreciate your apology and I... hear everything you’re saying, but I think we’ll be better as friends.”

Burgess observed her with so much intensity, it was a wonder she didn’t drop. After several moments of silence, he nodded slowly. “Guess you need to be proven wrong.” He continued forward until she was sandwiched between him and the building, his nerve endings stretching and groaning back to life just to be touching her again. “And forgive me for saying so, gorgeous,” he rasped against her ear. “But if you didn’t want to be proven wrong, if you just wanted to be myfriend, I don’t think you’d have worn a dress so short I barely need to lift the hem to get my cock inside of you.”

Ilove you. And I’m sorry I was heartless with you.

I felt weak and I only wanted you to see me as strong.

That confession sent moisture rushing to her eyes, even as the filth he spoke into her ear made her inner thighs draw together, squeezing. It was too much at once. He was too much at once, and the tide of emotions she’d been furiously stemming for a month and a half came breaking through the dam, busting the sucker wide open.

His breath on the side of her face sent heat snaking down the sensitive side of her neck, making her breasts fuller, achy, so painfully sensitive that her back arched on its own, her stiffening nipples rubbing side to side against his thickly muscled chest, her breath stuttering in thanksgiving over the friction she’d been seeking without finding for interminable weeks. Oh God, the grief and desperation of it sucked her under like a riptide and shegasped for air, calling for his mouth without saying actual words. But he knew.

---