Page 76 of Wild Love

I let my head fall back on the head rest. "I'm always disappointing my family. What's one more screwup?"

"Do you see it that way though?" Marigold asked as we followed Eli's SUV out of the lot and toward town. "Is Eli a mistake?"

"We're risking his friendship with Chance."

"But what if you love him?"

Did I love him? I'd never said that to anyone. I didn't take it lightly. If I couldn't hold up my end of the bargain, then what was the point of telling someone how I felt? No one could rely on me. I never stayed. For the first time, I felt defeated. As if my life was out of control. I wasn't the one calling the shots. Even though I followed that instinct that told me to keep moving.

We parked across the street from one of the popular brunch places. I was starving, especially after the stress of the morning. We met the guys inside and followed the hostess to a table by the windows.

I ordered pancakes, eggs, and bacon.

"Someone's hungry," Chance observed.

"Your recklessness caused us a lot of emotional distress." I waved a hand at him and Eli who sat across from us.

"We're not called the Wilde brothers for no reason. We have a reputation to uphold," Eli said with a wink.

"That's your name," Marigold pointed out flatly, then glared at Chance. "But it's not yours. So what's your excuse?"

Chance shrugged. "Maybe I want to break out of my boring reputation. I always have to follow the rules and do what's expected."

Chance's response was sincere, as if he'd been thinking aboutthis for a while. Before I could ask if a woman had said something to him, Eli said, "Stick with us, and you'll shake that rep."

"I've been hanging out with you guys my whole life. It's the uniform."

"I suppose you have to be a rule follower if you're a police officer. Nothing wrong with that," Marigold said.

Our food came, and we dug in. I still felt shaky after the panic I experienced this morning. I was going to need some wind-down time tonight, and I hoped Eli was the one who'd provide it. It was his fault after all.

The conversation turned to the cabins Eli was building on his property. He was settled here in Telluride, running his family's business. And the addition of the cabins only meant that he was more invested than ever.

He would never leave. This was his home.

I'd waited for weeks but hadn't gotten the itch to leave, and it was starting to freak me out. I never stayed in one place longer than the run of a show, and the play's performance was this week. Would I feel it then?

I was feeling a mix of emotions because I hadn't gotten any calls back on my inquiries into open parts. Would I ever work again?

I couldn't continue to work for free, which was what I was doing now. I couldn't live in Eli's condo forever. I needed to get a paying job, and soon.

The easiest choice was acting on the road because our hotel rooms were paid for by the company. I didn't need to rent or buy a home.

But I couldn't reconcile any of that with the feeling that I washomewith Eli. I enjoyed my job even if it was unpaid, and I loved working in the old theater. It felt like mine even though it wasn't. There was always a chance the owner could decide to sell it and move on.

Any new owner would most certainly turn it into a bar, restaurant, or a bed and breakfast.

I watched Eli talk about his business with affection, wishing I had something like that to fuel my passion. Why did my joy come from a job where I had to move so much? Why couldn't I be happy here?

After brunch, we went our separate ways. Eli to the lodge and Chance to work. Marigold had plans with her parents who were in town for the weekend. But I had nothing to do. I'd already dismissed the kids from rehearsal. But the theater called to me.

I unlocked the door and sat in the last row, wondering if this could ever be mine. Maybe I could save up enough money to buy a place like this one day. But I'd need to get a job and start saving. I hadn't done a great job of that over the years.

I used my salary for more travel in between shows. I'd spend a week at the beach or a swanky spa. I treated myself when I should have been thinking about the future. Now, I was pushing thirty and didn't have a good plan.

18

ELI

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