Julien couldn’t help but notice that this was an absolutely shit apology. He hated apologizing as much as the next guy, but this could have won awards for how bad it was.
He should have just fucking danced. “If you think this is about the dancing….” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “Look. If you want me gone, I’ll go.” It was the opposite of what he wanted to say, but he couldn’t do this.
Is five thousand dollars really worth this shit?
“What?” Tyler exclaimed, looking wholly shaken. “No. Julien. I don’t want you to go. Please?”
Julien didn’t want to go either. Not because of the money.
He sighed, resolve crumbling. “I’m just tired of it, alright? You keep wanting to make me into this perfect man. But I’m not. If you wanted someone like that, you probably should have picked someone else because that’s not me. Your family doesn’t even believe it.”
“What are you talking about?” Tyler gave a humorless laugh. “Yes, they do.”
“Wally said-”
“Whatthe fuck is up with this Wally thing?” Tyler snapped, his voice raising well above a harsh whisper. “Come on. Walter is the dullest guy I know. He probably thinks flour is spicy. Who cares what he thinks?”
“That’s your problem, Ty. You are so fucking judgmental.” He was atDefcon Oneat this point. There was no coming back from this. The words rushed out of his mouth without thinking about what it could do to him and his future. “What are you so afraid of? What do you think your family would say if they actually got to know me?”
Tyler opened his mouth and closed it, making him look like a fish out of water. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “I don’t know. I want them to be proud of me, alright.”
Julien nodded. There was a sour taste in his mouth. “Yeah, and someone like me would disappoint them, wouldn’t I?”
“What does it matter? You’renotmy real boyfriend.” Tyler reminded him.
“Yeah. That much is fucking clear. You wouldn’t look twice at me. I wouldn’t pass the inspection. You know, for someone who hates Walter so much,you seem to be looking for someone just like him or fucking Brad. Don’t get me started on him.”
“I don’t hate Walter. I think he’s boring.” Tyler threw his hands up. “Why would anyone want to be with someone so boring?”
“God. You are such anasshole,” Julien said before he could stop himself. “You don’t take any time to get to know someone before you put them in a box labeled worthy or not.”
Tyler looked at him, brow furrowed, hurt in his eyes. “I didn’t realize you felt that way.” He exhaled loudly. “So, what. You’re done? You quit?”
Julien tried his best to swallow his anger. “I need the money.”
What he needed was to get out of here. He was pretending hard to be someone he wasn’t, and even that wasn’t good enough for Tyler. He couldn’t delude himself into thinking that he’d ever in a million years be good enough.
Tyler stood there for a second, hesitating before he stormed out of the room.
Julien ran his hands through his hair. His chest ached, and there was a lump in his throat. What am I even doing? Way to go. I pick a fight with the one person who can help me out of this mess, all because my pride is wounded.
Tyler returned to the room and shoved an envelope against his pec, which shook Julien more than expected. He stumbled back and caught the envelope before it fell.
“Merry Christmas,” Tyler spat before walking back to his room and slamming the door.
Julien looked at the envelope in his hand. He opened it up. It was all there. The other half. The rest of his debt. His freedom.
Except he didn’t feel any degree of satisfaction or liberation. Instead, he felt hollow. Disgusted with himself, he turned to the bed. All his stuff was in Tyler’s room. Packing would have to wait. Plus, he didn’t have any extra money for a cab or a bus ticket. He had no idea how he would get home. It didn’t matter.
He picked up his phoneand texted Lou Rossi.
I have the money.
He didn’t expect an immediate message back, but his phone buzzed with Rossi asking him to meet up. He texted back.
I can’t. I’m in Connecticut. I’ll try to get back soon.
How will I fucking do that?