Page 80 of Don't Let Go

My brothers went up on stage next to share a few words and stories about Lizzy. I couldn’t bear to go up there myself. I’d choke on my tongue, and I couldn’t look weak. Not when I was planning someone’s demise.

For the rest of the funeral, I went through the motions. Standing and singing when we were supposed to, staying behind to shake everyone’s hand with the rest of my family.Swallowing snarking comments as everyone told me how sorry they were and how sweet and precious little Lizzy was. As if they understood what we lost. What I lost. The light in me was snuffed out, and my purpose was gone. I was supposed to protect Lizzy, lay down my life for hers, and I failed.

If I was going to be cast into the darkness, then I wasn’t heading there alone. Whoever took my sister was going down this hell of a rabbit hole with me.

As the church emptied and everyone moved on to the wake to get some food and talk, I spotted Chloe motioning for me to join her by the side exit.

“I’m going to take a moment. I’ll see you there,” I told Mamma, kissing her cheek. She nodded and followed Carmen’s lead outside.

I felt the eyes of both my brothers dig into my back as I met up with Chloe. One look behind me and they left, probably thinking being with my best friend wasn’t anything to be suspicious of.

“Are you okay to be by yourself? I could come over.” Chloe whispered as she hugged me.

“I’m fine. Don’t worry.” I glanced behind me. The church was mostly empty; the only people left were the choir packing their stands and songbooks.

She sighed as she reached out and grabbed my arm. “Iamworried about you. I don’t want you to do anything you might regret.”

My nails sank into her wrist. “I can take care of myself,” I said through clenched teeth.

She let me go and took a step back. “You’re becoming someone I don’t recognize.”

“Maybe this was who I was meant to be,” I replied, rolling my shoulders back.

I walked outside and slid on my sunglasses. As I opened the driver’s side door, Tyler ran up to join me. “Rory, wait!”

“What are you doing here? I thought you left with my family.” I adjusted my sunglasses, thankful Ty couldn’t look me in the eye.

“It was a tight fit, so I said I’d ride with you. Hope that’s okay.” He toed at a rock in the parking lot.

He threw a wrench in my plan. I wanted to ditch and say I was sick. I needed to get the ball rolling on seeking my revenge.

“Fine. Get in.” I sank into my seat and started the car.

The radio station we listened to went on a commercial break and Tyler turned the volume down instead of finding another station playing music.

“Beautiful funeral,” he said awkwardly.

“It was. I don’t want to talk about it. I’ve been to many funerals, but that was...” I lost my train of thought. That was the worst one. The most painful one.

He brushed his hair back. The smell of his spicy cologne once made butterflies dance in my stomach, but now it gave me a headache. “Talking is a bad idea. I get it. I had to attend two funerals for my old man.”

At a red light, I gathered my hair and sat it on my right shoulder, trying to create a barrier so I couldn’t see Tyler from the corner of my eye.

Tyler wrung his hands in his lap. “Deep in earth my love is lying. And I must weep alone.”

I tilted my head, confused. “Why are you quoting Edgar Allan Poe?”

He released a deep breath and said, “You said a random quote to me when we first met at my dad’s funeral.”

That felt like a lifetime ago.

“Oh…” I was lost for words.

“Do you have a napkin? This mint is like fire.” Tyler opened the glovebox before I could tell him not to.

In full display was my papà’s 9mm Glock 19 that I had stashed away earlier.

I should’ve covered it up in case my glovebox popped open. Rookie mistake.

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