Page 62 of Make Room for Love

Mira replayed what she’d said. She’d become less shy about using her words in bed; Isabel had been so patient with her over the last month, coaxing her desires out of her on her own terms. In the afterglow just now, she’d felt so good and uninhibited that the words had spilled out. But what she’d said hadn’t been dirty talk. It had been something else.

The thing was, she’d meant it. She wanted a reminder that Isabel cared for her and believed in her. She wanted to feel precious and brave and a little bit sexy as she took on the world outside this apartment.

And it was not the kind of thing you said to someone you were trying to take things slow with, trying things out with, just going on dates with between hanging out and kissing and fucking in the apartment you happened to share.

Mira propped herself up, her limbs still wobbly. She gave Isabel a peck on the cheek. There were questions looming on the horizon, far away. But she was well-fucked and tired from a good night, and those questions could wait. “I’m going to wash up. And then we should go to bed.”

“You’re makingme less jaded about union politics,” Isabel said, pushing their grocery cart down the aisle. “I might run for an elected position one of these days.” They reached the rice section, and Isabel stopped. “I think we’re running low. What kind do you want?”

Mira pointed to one of the big bags on the bottom shelf, and Isabel picked it up and put it in their cart as though it were a feather pillow. Of course Mira could do it herself, in the sameway that Mira could open her own doors, in the same way that Isabel could pack her own lunches, but she wasn’t going to complain about Isabel making her life a little easier. Or the view of Isabel bending over. “When do you think that’ll be?”

“Five years from now, maybe. Don’t hold me to that when the time comes.”

Five years from now.Maybe last night was still lingering in her mind, but Mira’s train of thought got stuck on the implications, even if Isabel hadn’t meant they’d betogetherthen. Lesbians were supposedly good at being friends with their exes. There was no reason why they shouldn’t be in touch after five years. “Why do you want to wait until then?”

“I need to put in the time first. Get to know more people. It’s how these things work.”

“That makes sense. And they’ll vote for you if they know what’s good for them.”

Isabel shrugged skeptically. Mira smiled. Isabel had plenty of complaints, most of them well-founded, some more severe than others, in the way that only truly committed lifers did. “You know,” Mira said, “I can’t even imagine what it’s like, knowing you’ll have the same career for the rest of your life if you want it. It’s amazing that you knew that’s what you wanted when you were twenty.”

“Or I was a dumb kid who got lucky. Didn’t you know you wanted to become an academic at that age?”

Mira looked over the pasta section. “Well, I don’t have the job security part,” she said absentmindedly, picking up a few boxes. “If I’m fortunate enough to get an academic job after grad school, I’ll almost certainly have to move. You’re presumably staying in the city until you retire.”

There it was again. They were silent as they continued down another aisle, and Mira was needled by the same uncertaintyshe’d felt last night. The same vague sense that there were decisions in her future—far away, but not infinitely far.

“You know, I don’t need to stay in New York,” Isabel said. “If I need to move, I can transfer to another local. They need electricians everywhere.”

Mira’s heart beat faster. They glanced at each other, and then turned back to the rows of cleaning products.

Maybe Isabel was thinking the same thing: This conversation was heading into out-of-bounds territory. Isabel liked her—that was so obvious and unchanging that Mira didn’t have to question how much, exactly. And she liked Isabel, but she wasn’t ready to figure out how much, either.

Maybe Isabel hadn’t intended to go there. But now the implications were hanging between them. And it was entirely beside the point, but…Mira had never been with anyone who would have considered moving across the country for her. It simply wasn’t the kind of situation she had to face, in the same way that she’d never had to buy a house or pick out a private jet.

Isabel hadn’t offered that. Time to come to her senses. “That’s true. It’d be nice if I could say they needed classicists everywhere.”

Isabel smiled. “Okay, let’s say there’s a labor shortage of experts in lyric poetry, and you can live anywhere you want.”

“Don’t get me hot and bothered like this. We’re at the grocery store.”

Isabel snorted. “You think you’d want to stay here?”

“I think so.” It was the truth. For all Mira had been through, she’d grown into herself in this city, and it was difficult to imagine living anywhere else. “If only it were that easy. Would you really ever leave New York? Your family is here.”

They were getting into even messier territory now. This wasn’t a conversation to be had in the grocery store. She should have changed the subject.

But part of her wanted to know.

Isabel shrugged too casually. “I don’t know. I might want a change of scenery. It’d be hard. But I could visit. And once Grace gets married, I guess she won’t need me.” Isabel’s hair was in a braid, but she tried to run her hand through it anyway and stopped short. “Maybe I could actually afford to buy a house somewhere else. And it’d be cheaper to raise— To do a lot of things.”

Mira took a breath, trying to clear her head. She didn’t believe for one second that Isabel would leave New York—the city she’d called home all her life, the city whose skyscrapers and subway stations she worked on with pride—simply for a change of scenery. They stopped in front of the toilet bowl cleaners, as though that were the big decision to make.

Of course Isabel wanted commitment. Maybe not from Mira, but…from someone, eventually. She’d been in a relationship for six years before this. Isabel never talked about it, so Mira had barely thought about it until now. And, apparently, Isabel wanted kids.

Of course they weren’t going to date casually forever.

They were having a good run so far. But sooner or later, they’d part amicably as responsible adults, and then Mira would hear all about Isabel’s new life with her wife and kids. Isabel would be pushing a cart around a grocery store with someone else.

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