Page 47 of Make Room for Love

“No.Not exactly.” Vivian pursed her lips. “I want you to have high standards for yourself. You can set the bar a lot higher than Dylan.”

“Isabel is actually really wonderful.” Mira was still hurt. “I’m not just?—”

“I know.”

“You don’t.”

Vivian paused. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. But you’re right to be worried. It would be messy if it didn’t work out. Although you’re always welcome to our couch.” Mira smiled faintly. “Here’s what I’m trying to say,” Vivian continued. “There are plenty of other women out there who would love the chance to treat you well. And some men, for that matter, though I’m not going to give you that speech again. This isn’t your only shot, is what I’m saying.”

“I guess so.” How could someone like Isabel want her? It was still sinking in. “It’s hard to think of myself that way right now.”

“You can take some time to get used to it. And, you know, if you just want to be with a bunch of other bi girls and lesbians, you can come to Volume with us again. You can stick with us, and we won’t let anyone bother you.”

“I’m not worried about seeing Dylan again.” Nearly all the fear had drained from her memory, and what remained was how comically pathetic he’d looked. That was a victory to savor, as small as it was. “That’s not what I’m afraid of. I felt like I didn’t fit in when I was there. Everyone else was so…” She sensed there wassomething, but she couldn’t point to any specific thing she lacked.

“I don’t think you should be worried about that,” Vivian said. “You should probably worry about being swarmed, instead.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Were you not paying any attention? I guess you weren’t. You were distracted and completely unapproachable when wewent last time, which was understandable. And there were still probably half a dozen girls checking you out. You were just too sad and too straight to notice.”

“Really?” Mira didn’t dislike that news. It was flattering. But Isabel didn’t just look at her. Isabelsawher, and she couldn’t imagine anyone else’s attention mattering. And the way she had looked at Mira last night…

Vivian rolled her eyes. “You can come out and see for yourself, if you don’t believe me.”

Mira must have looked unconvinced. “I know you really care about Isabel,” Vivian said, more gently. “And I believe you when you say that she cares about you. I’m not telling you to come out to meet someone else, though you can, if you want. I’m telling you to come out, be around other girls like you, and take your mind off it for a while.”

Mira sighed. “I want to know something.”

“Yeah?”

“When I was with Dylan, you and Frankie always hated him, but you still listened to me and supported me the whole time I was with him. Instead of, I don’t know, just yelling at me every day to break up with him. And I know why. Because I wasn’t in a place where I could listen.”

Vivian nodded. Mira went on. “But I want to know—are you keeping something like that from me? I want to know if you think there’s something I should be doing, and you’re not telling me because you think I can’t handle it right now.”

They walked for a few steps in silence. Then Vivian said, “No.”

“Are you sure?”

“You know why I’m worried about you. But I think you should do what you want.” At that, Mira scoffed. “Just make sure it actually is what you want,” Vivian added. “I don’t think youactually wanted to be with Dylan, as opposed to some idea of Dylan you had in your head, and I said that to you at the time.”

“I don’t know what I want. That’s the whole problem.”

“What were you hoping I’d tell you to do?” Mira was struck by the question. “Maybe you should start with that.”

21

Half a block away from Volume,the thumping bass rattled Isabel’s bones and numbed her to everything else. She needed this. She hadn’t been back since the night she met Mira, and now she was trying to do the impossible: to forget about Mira, at least for a few hours. Cat’s set would be starting soon.

She’d made a mess of this. So much for staying away from Mira and not looking at her. Mira had worn down her walls so slowly and persistently that Isabel hadn’t even noticed until it was too late. She’d spilled everything—her dangerous feelings, her endless grief—and Mira had taken it all surprisingly well. But Isabel still felt too exposed, as though she’d peeled off an outer layer of skin.

And…that night last week. Lying awake for hours, all her senses magnified, her imagination tormenting her over the innocent sighs and creaks she’d heard from Mira’s room. And then walking right into Mira…

Isabel hadn’t slept much after that, either. Curiosity was one thing, but no straight woman on the planet had ever looked at another woman like that, Isabel was certain. Or maybe her imagination had run wild again. Wishful thinking.

In any other situation, she’d buck up and ask Mira what she wanted. But Mira was living in her apartment for another year.

If there was even a chance of hurting Mira, Isabel wouldn’t risk it. She burned with frustration. Not at Mira, never at her, but at everything that kept them apart. Even if Mira didn’t have a million good reasons for not getting involved with her roommate…well, just because she thought Isabel was worth looking at didn’t mean she wanted Isabel’s baggage.

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