Page 38 of Always Alchemy

He reaches for the bottle of excellent St Emilion next to us and refills my glass, then his. I’ll have a dreadful red wine hangover tomorrow, but I find I don’t care.

‘While we’re asking each other dreadfully personal questions,’ he says, the hesitation audible in his voice, ‘might I ask how you’re feeling about your husband’s absence?’

I laugh, but it’s not grounded in humour, and twist mywedding rings on my finger, looking down at the sparkles my diamonds make in the candlelight. ‘How long do you have?’

‘I have as long as you need me to listen,’ he says in a voice that’s slightly gruff. All I hear is sincerity. Generosity. And when I look in his eyes, I see no judgement, only concern.

I give him broad brush strokes, because I already know he’s aware of the details. He’s aware that Ben hasn’t ever welcomed Max or Darcy into our home. I outline the tenets of Ben’s faith as it stands today. His decision to take the side of praying for our children’s eternal souls over celebrating their unions in this life. The increasing extent to which he’s isolating himself. And finally, I admit that it’s probably for the best that he’s not here.

‘I wouldn’t be able to relax for a moment,’ I confess. ‘I’d be viewing everything through his eyes, just waiting for him to blow up and then go horribly, coldly silent.’

He’s quiet for a moment when I’ve finished speaking, and then he pats me lightly on the back. ‘I’m sorry for him. I’m sorry for what he’s missing out on—not just tonight, but in general. But Lauren, all I see when I look at Dex and Belle are two happy, beautiful human beings, who’ve chosen to stay true to themselves.’ He pauses, and his gaze is so grave. So intense. ‘And I see their mother, who raised them to be these wonderful people and who has chosen to support and celebrate them in the face of not insignificant emotional obstacles.’

I press my lips together, blinking furiously to hold back the tears. I’m not sure I can take any credit at all for the people Dex and Belle turned out to be. I’m not sure I even deserve tobehere.

‘That’s very sweet of you,’ I tell him, ‘but I’m not sure…’

He shakes his head sternly. He looks so like his son. ‘Nonsense. All of our children have found a way to love without fear, and that’s a wonderful, wonderful thing.’

I glance over at Dex, who’s now standing, his arms around both Max and Darcy. His head is bowed, his face soft with love.

Charles is right. There’s no fear there.

‘Thank God they have,’ I say.

Loving without fear.

Now there’s a thought.

13

AN EYE FOR AN EYE

ADAM

Iglance at the horrifying array of shot glasses on the table of this extremely fancy gentlemen’s club and then back at my so-called “best man”.

‘You’re such a dick,’ I slur.

He smirks. ‘Come on. You can do it.’

‘I can, but I don’t want to.’I just want to go home and see my beautiful fiancée. Maybe pull a few moves. She loves my stripteases.

Oh fuck. I hope I didn’t say that out loud. He’d probably hit me across the room.

‘You barely drink when you’re with my sister. Come on. It’ll do you good to get arseholed and make a tit of yourself. Loosen up a bit. The sky won’t fall because Adam Wright got a bit pissed.’

‘I’d rather fall off the wagon for another bottle of that seriously good claret. Not this crap.’

‘Live a little.’

I sigh and go to take one. At some point on your stag weekend you have to make the decision to throw caution—and dignity—to the wind and just go for it.

‘Wait,’ Anton says from beside me. ‘Have you worked out what they are yet?’

I frown. ‘What do you mean?’

‘Look closely,’ Stephen says. He’s still smirking. I definitely chose my best man badly.

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