Page 79 of Always Alchemy

‘Oh my God, yes,’ Verity murmurs. ‘Go on, please.’

‘So I had a lot of internal struggle. But then I met an amazing doctor—she’s very holistic—and she helped me recalibrate. This isn’t aslowing down,per se—it’s a period of healing. I’ve been investing in my body so I can come back stronger.

‘But the real breakthrough has been mental. My doctor helped me figure out that all of that panic around feeling I have to achieve is a dysregulated form of me rather than thereal me. I’ve been working a lot on staying regulated so I can approach my goals and ambitions from a place of excitement and motivation, rather than being in my sympathetic nervous system and feeling panicked all the time. Because that voice in my head ofI Must I Must I Mustwas exhausting, and it was making me ill. Now I try to stay in a place ofI Caninstead.’

‘God, I love that,’ Verity breathes. ‘Let’s talk about some of your tools, then.’

This brings us—her and me—into an effusive discussion about the power of somatic-focused exercise instead of adrenaline-heavy cardio and of other somatic tools. When Tom, who’s looking twitchier by the second, can stand it no more, he switches the subject.

‘If I may,’ he interjects smoothly, ‘Let’s talk about the incredible success you’ve had in your career.Searching for Paradisereceived great critical acclaim and even won a BAFTA. What other projects do you have up your sleeve as you approach your half century?’

I smile to myself. His question is way off topic for this slot, but not to worry. Verity and I will bring it right backontopic.

‘Well, Tom,’ I say, ‘the BAFTA was a huge honour. I was thrilled. A lot of critics were very complimentary, and a lot of them were way too focused on whether a woman over forty-five could and should still enjoy sex. Opening up that dialogue in such a public way was extremely important to me, because the answer is most definitelyyes.’

‘Yes!’ Verity says with an effusive hand clap before Tom can craft a response. ‘Let’s talk about middle-aged women enjoying sex. Before we get into it, I wanted to remind our viewers about the affect our changing hormonal profile can have on our sex organs. Now, I’m not a doctor and this is notmedical advice,’ she adds hurriedly as Tom frowns at her. ‘But remember Dr Jane, who we had on the show a few weeks ago? She talked to us about vaginal atrophy and the host of medical issues that hormonal imbalances can have, from pain during sex to full-on incontinence.

‘I swear to God, menopause is the one thing that makes me doubt Mother Nature is ashe.Aida, are you seeking hormonal help down there?’

I grin broadly. I’m enjoying Tom’s look of horror at the V-wordsomuch. ‘Sure, let’s talk about preventing our lady parts from shrivelling up and dying,’ I say cheerily. ‘When my HRT doctor first suggested that vaginal oestrogen could help with a lot of my symptoms, I was curious. Vaginal atrophy soundednasty, and honestly, there’s a lot I would do to make sure that never happens. But when she mentioned that myclitcould also atrophy but that topical hormones could help? I was like,gimme.’

Verity laughs loudly. Tom blinks rapidly at my audacity.

Or maybe, despite the wedding band on his left hand, he’s just not familiar with the wordclit.

It’s hard to tell.

‘Amen!’ Verity practically shouts it. ‘Okay, so it sounds like you’re doing everything right. You’re looking after your body. Your soul. Your vagina. Your clit. You’ve bagged a husband so hot he could reignite the libido of an entire nation—as indeed he has, judging from the comments he gets on Instagram.’

I laugh again. Fuck, Cal’s going to be even more impossible than usual after this.

‘It’s been almost four years sinceSearching for Paradisecame out,’ she continues. ‘So, for the love of God, Aida, tell every woman listening what she wants to hear—that you’rean almost-fifty-year-old woman having the best sex of her life. No offence to Lord Russell,’ she adds with a wink.

I clap a hand over my mouth, because she is fucking hysterical. When I remove it, I can’t imagine anyone watching will be in any doubt as to how amused I am. I lick my lips before answering.

‘Without wanting to cast a slur on a member of our esteemed peerage, I will say this: fifty absolutely is not a full stop for our sex lives—it's more of a multiple...exclamation point.’

I catch Tom's eye as he nearly drops his cue cards. ‘And I believe Tom might need a moment to recover during the weather report.’

28

STEPMOTHERS WITH BENEFITS

GEN

It’s not every day your stepdaughters invite you to the Dover Street Arts Club for lunch. It was Annabel, the more dominant twin, who texted me last week.

Hey

Gen

Wanna go for lunch?

With both of us

We need your help w something

Don’t stress we’re fine

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