Page 72 of Loving Netta Wilde

And just like that Doogie was transported back in time again. This time to their affair when she’d go cold on him for no reason other than to keep him at a distance. The anger rose in him now, just as it did then. ‘I don’t need your permission.’

‘So what are you doing here?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Well then, you’re no use to me.’

She was right, he was no use to her. He was no fucking use at all. He turned and walked away. And all he could think about was Samuel’s words: I tried, but I gave up too quick.

40

LIT FUSES AND A TALL ORDER

The front door closed and Doogie was gone. He hadn’t taken his things with him so presumably he’d be back at some point. Where he’d gone, Netta didn’t know. He wouldn’t go to Merrie in case he bumped into Claire, so that left his mum, Julie Macrae. Although thinking about it, she probably hadn’t been Macrae since she married Doogie’s stepdad. Netta wondered if Doogie had told her where he’d been staying. She’d lay money on Julie being completely in the dark about the marriage proposal. She herself would still be blissfully unaware of it if she hadn’t forced it out of him. Right now, that would have been her preference.

She couldn’t understand why she was taking it so badly. It wasn’t as if there was a future scenario where she and Doogie fulfilled the destiny she’d mapped out for them all those years ago as a girl. Jesus. Over thirty years and she could still feel the way her heart stopped the first time their eyes met in that grotty pub in Manchester. She could still taste their first kiss, still sense the way his body pressed against her the first time they had sex. The scent of him. The feel of him. She didn’t really think about it on a day-to-day basis but sometimes, when he got close to her, it was like she’d never moved on. Was that what how it was foreveryone with their first love? She’d like to ask someone, but what if they said no? What if they thought she was some kind of weirdo obsessive who was hanging on to the past? She could always ask Claire. It wouldn’t be so bad if Claire thought that. Actually, Claire probably already did think that.

When Netta was younger and a lot more naive, she had a thing about Doogie being her Heathcliff. She’d imagined their love going on forever. Beyond death even. Just like it did inWuthering Heights.But that was before years of living a real life. Experience had since taught her that kind of love was strictly for romance novels. It was nice sometimes to drift into the world of romance. As long as you didn’t forget it was fiction and the reality was much harder, much less noble. She, for instance, wasn’t in the least bit noble. She, for instance, should be thinking about Grace and how she was coping with the man she loved running off as soon as she dropped the M word into the conversation. And was she? No she was not. Because she was too busy wondering whether she could let Doogie go. There you go then. Not very noble at all. Especially since she’d made her choice twenty years ago. She’d let him go then. Walked away without giving him the chance to choose, ignoring the great chasm that was cleaving her heart in two. People thought it was Colin who broke her. He certainly finished the job. But it was leaving Doogie and losing their baby that had started it. And if Doogie really didn’t need her permission, why had he come to her? Netta didn’t know the answer to that, unless it was because he wasn’t sure if he could let her go either. Perhaps he was just as selfish and ignoble as she was.

A message came through on the ‘Colin watch’ group chat they’d set up. It was from Liza:

Dad wasn’t at his house. We’re going to start on the pubs.

A minute later, Claire sent a list of places she’d already tried. Shortly after, Frank messaged to say he’d had no joy with any ofthe hospitals. Then Will called: ‘Mum, what’s going on?’ He was at Belle’s, about to go on holiday, but he’d seen the group chat.

‘Your dad’s gone AWOL. He didn’t come back on Wednesday night. It’s nothing to worry about. We’re just taking precautions.’ She decided not to tell him that Doogie had seen Colin spying on his own house. No need to spoil Will’s holiday before he’d even gone.

‘Are you sure?’

‘Yes, absolutely. He’s probably just found someone else to stay with. We’ll soon have him back under supervision.’

Will let out a heavy sigh. ‘Mum, what are we going to do about him?’

‘I don’t know, darling. But we’ll work something out.’

‘Do you think I should talk to him?’

‘Only if it’s right for you. You won’t be able to get hold of him at the moment. I’ve tried but I think his battery’s flat. Have a think about it while you’re away and decide when you come back. Just promise me you won’t let it ruin your holiday.’

‘I won’t. I love you, Mum.’

‘I love you too, my darling. Now go on and have a great holiday. It’ll be your last one before you have to surrender to the dreaded nine to five, so make the most of it.’

She met Frank in the back garden as he was coming to hers. ‘Will’s just phoned. The messages got him worrying. I played it down to put his mind at rest. I didn’t say anything about Doogie seeing Colin last night.’

‘Very wise. No point in sending him off in a panic. Are you all right? You look a bit wound up.’

‘Yes, all good.’

‘I saw Doogie going back out again. Has he gone to look for Colin?’

She searched Frank’s face for a clue as to his motive for asking the question. A few days ago she’d have said he was trying to find some dirt on Doogie, but now he looked more confused than anything.

‘You don’t have to say if you’d rather not,’ he said.

Yes, there was always that option, but they’d only just made up after all that silliness and distrust. ‘He didn’t say where he was going. We had words.’

‘I see. I overheard him and Claire talking earlier. I couldn’t help it. I walked out the door and they were in the middle of it. I’m guessing your words were about the same thing.’

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