Page 86 of Loving Netta Wilde

‘Was it the news about Ursula moving?’ said Doogie.

‘I don’t think so. He seemed to take that fairly well. It was the allotment.’

Doogie frowned. ‘Ursula’s allotment?’

‘No. The one we’ve been digging up. He was upset because you finished it. He was muttering something about you robbing him again.’

Geraldine tutted and put the sausage down onto a slice of bread. ‘I’d better go up and see him.’

Doogie put his hand up to stop her. ‘It’s all right, I’ll go. I think I might know what this is about.’

He pushed the bedroom door open. Colin was stroking Maud. He was also crying. Not sobbing and wailing like he’d been doing on Friday when he had his meltdown, but quietly. Long silent tears were rolling down his cheeks and falling from his jawline. It was an uncomfortable sight, but Doogie couldn’t just walk away. He closed the door behind him. ‘All right, bud?’

Colin kept his eyes on the dog. ‘Not really, no. You’ve done it to me again.’

There was a chair next to the bed. Doogie took it and leaned forward onto the edge of the quilt. ‘What did I do?’

‘I wanted to be the one to finish the digging.’

‘I’m sorry. I just did what Arthur asked me to do. We didn’t know it was important to you. Why didn’t you say? We’d have waited if we’d known.’

Colin pulled a couple of tissues out of a box on the bedside table. They were the mansize variety that promised to be extra-large and extra-strong. ‘Because I was embarrassed to admit that something so simple meant so much.’

‘Why did it mean so much?’

‘Because it was a good thing to do, and I wanted to prove that I could do something good. It’s all right for you. People think you’re a nice guy. They like you. I wanted to be that guy for a change. But you took it from me.’

Doogie was stunned into silence. That was some seriously fucked up shit the accountant was coming out with.

‘Look, I’m sorry about this.’ Colin pointed to his tears. ‘I don’t seem to have any control over it. My emotions are completely off the scale at the moment. I do actually know I’m being pathetic.’

‘I’m the other way. I can get angry, but crying? No. Not in a long time.’ Unless you counted yesterday with Merrie. But a lump in the throat and a bit of dampness around the eyes didn’t really match up to Colin’s outbursts.

‘That’s a good thing, isn’t it?’

‘I dunno. I suppose it helps sometimes to cry.’ He was thinking of Merrie laughing at his inability to handle emotion. It wasn’t funny really. It was tragic. He might not want to be breaking out in tears all the time, but what about the other emotions? What about sadness, or happiness, or unadulterated joy? Surely it was better to deal with those than to coast through life like nothing touched you? Except things did touch Doogie. That was why he hid from them. Or ran away. A hermit, Merrie had called him. He didn’t want her seeing him in that way.

‘Geraldine seems to think it helps. I’m not so sure,’ said Colin.

‘Anyway, I thought you hated digging.’

‘I thought so too, but it’s quite therapeutic when you get into it. And as I said, I was focussing on the end point rather than the gruelling bit in the middle.’

Doogie smiled. ‘Yeah, it’s very therapeutic.’ When he got back home, his vegetable garden would need some serious work. He wondered if Grace had been picking the sweetcorn. It would be starting to ripen now. She liked it barbecued, coated with a special sauce he made. He’d picked up the recipe on his second and last visit to St Kitts. He wondered if Grace was missing him. He’d been on the verge of calling her so many times, but she’d told him not to ring unless it was to say he was coming home, and it wasn’t time to go home yet. ‘Maybe you should get an allotment.’

Colin blew his nose. ‘I don’t know if I’m an allotment person. I don’t know what kind of person I am anymore. I know what kind I used to be, and I certainly don’t want to go back down that road again. The rest is a mystery.’

‘You’ll figure it out. Listen, I’m sorry I robbed you. I guess that makes us even now.’

‘I hardly think you digging up a bit of soil is on a par with the woman you loved choosing me and then me setting out to destroy her.’

‘It’s all relative.’

Colin’s tears had stopped. He was smiling. ‘Nice try, mate.’

‘You heard about Ursula going to a commune?’

‘Yes. Have you seen her since Wednesday?’

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