Page 50 of Wine, Whiskey, & Lipstick 2

“Sounds like he has things figured out alright.” Cat giggled.

Palmer playfully swatted her arm as she agreed. “That part. He absolutely has.” Slowly, her laughter died on her lips. “Still, I would never try to lock him down at this age.”

“My friends are sex addicts.” Dillyn smiled, but it didn’t fully reach her eyes. “Anyway, Lucas jokes around a lot, but he does seem to be mature. Look at me trying to solve your problems when I have my own.”

Palmer responded, “You’re about to become a mom! That’s my dream. I will admit something I don’t want to for obvious reasons. Idolike Lucas. Probably more than I should.”

“Shocker.” Cat laughed.

“Hush!” Palmer nudged her. “He says he wants more than a sexual relationship, but I can’t afford to take the risk.”

“Just have casual sex,” Cat advised. “Then you might not need a sperm bank.”

Palmer said sarcastically. “If I didn’t already have a plan, I would consider your suggestion.” Palmer wasn’t serious. She had made up her mind, and Lucas wasn’t an option.

Dillyn could see the yearning on Palmer’s face.

Cat was usually so good at hiding her thoughts, but not today. Her expressions were loud, “You do realize you’ve already broken the cardinal rule?”

Palmer was genuinely baffled, “what’s that?”

Cat was matter of fact, “You’ve already formed emotional ties to him.”

At this point, there was no need for Palmer to be anything but transparent, “Maybe, but I will just have to let it burn. I want kids, and I’m too old to mess around hoping to find the right guy, so sperm bank it is.” Palmer wanted to inject a little lightheartedness into the room because it had taken another turn for doom and gloom. “C’mon Cat. Come with me,” she joked, “We can all be pregnant at the same time.”

Cat wrinkled up her nose. “Um . . . no. Not everyone wants to have a tribe of badass kids. I certainly don’t.” Sheepishly, Cat glanced over at Dillyn. “Well . . . not all kids are badasses.”

Dillyn sat quietly, listening to Cat and Palmer, wondering which road was right for her.

“So, how does Ben feel about it?” Palmer asked.

Distraction time was over. Dillyn wrapped her hands around her coffee mug and held it tight, “I don’t know. He seems to be fine.”

“No, you have to give us details,” Palmer said excitedly. “Start with how did y’all find out.”

“We’ve known for a few weeks.”

Cat and Palmer yelled at the same time, “Weeks!”

“Yeah,” Dillyn responded sheepishly. “Ben suspected. I had no idea. I guess I was exhibiting the classic symptoms. I just figured with everything going on and the stress of it, maybe I was a little run-down. We took a test, and it came back positive.”

“Wow. That’s amazing.” Palmer was hanging on to Dillyn’s every word.

“Is it?”

“Yes! It really is. You and Ben will be fantastic parents.”

“Ben will be incredible. I’ve already witnessed it first-hand. Me? I don’t know.”

Cat didn’t say a word. She just watched Dillyn’s body language.

“When I first found out, I was excited. I could imagine Ben and me and our little family.”Then reality hit.How can I be a good mother? It would be impossible.“I just don’t think motherhood is right for me.”

Palmer suspected the root of her self-doubt. She said softly, “Dillyn, you’re not your parents.”

Dillyn was riddled with guilt and shame. She couldn’t face her friends and turned her back to them. “I know that. I-I just . . . motherhood is not for everybody! I would never have considered it if I weren’t so insecure and desperate to save my marriage to Steven. I am stronger now. I don’t have those same insecurities.”

Palmer thought back on it. Dillyn had never really talked about wanting children or seemed particularly fond of them until Steven pushed her. Palmer just assumed all women wanted to be mothers.

---