Page 11 of Playboy For Hire

“I type one hundred ten words a minute, I’ll have you know.”

“Slowing down in your old age, I see. I type one hundred fifteen.”

“Can we all just take a breath for a second,” I said. Well, shouted. I hadn’t meant for it to come out that loudly, but when Thea and Violet got going, they became unstoppable very quickly. “I haven’t agreed to anything. I still don’t even know what we’re talking about.”

“There’s no need to raise your voice,” Thea said. “Of course you’ve agreed. You’ve said no to all your other options, so this is what remains.”

“And we’re talking about Heartbreakers Anonymous.” Violet gave me a prim little sniff. “Though I certainly hope you display better manners when you meet your consultant. I thought you were more mature.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “Really, I am. But this is all coming at me a little fast. I’m still confused. What is this company? Why would I need a consultant? How does any of this actually help me?”

“Heartbreakers Anonymous,” Violet repeated. She wrested the tablet out of Thea’s hands and swiped it on, her fingers flying across the surface. “They provide relationship consultants to meet a variety of needs. It’s all very above board. Perfectly legal, but very hush-hush.”

“A relationship consultant?” I said, completely lost.

“They provide dates to people who need them,” Thea said. “Dates, cover stories, the works. According to Violet here, anyway. And that’s exactly what you need, isn’t it? A date for Friday who’s willing to pretend to be your boyfriend of the past five months. Isn’t that how long you told Delia you’d been together?”

“Here, see for yourself.”

Violet thrust the tablet at me. I took it wordlessly. The company’s logo flashed across the screen, then resolved into a webpage that announced itself as‘Professional and Discreet. How can we be of service?’ A drop-down menu offered one-night engagements, long-term arrangements, and special situations.

I clicked on ‘one-night engagements’ and was taken to a screen that explained that Heartbreakers Anonymous provided an array of possible relationship consultants who could fit any need you might have for a night where a plus-one was required. My eyebrows shot up at the price.

“One thousand dollars?” I said, my voice coming out an octave higher than usual.

Violet nodded judiciously. “Worth every penny, my granddaughter says.”

“And what else are you spending money on?” Auntie Thea put in. “Might as well put it to good use.”

“Keep scrolling,” Violet said. “Take a look at their consultants. They’re all very good-looking. Even the young ladies, I might add. Very tasteful.”

The profiles for each consultantweretasteful, I had to admit. Each one gave a short description of their age, interests, and personality, alongside artfully cropped pictures that gave an idea of what the consultant looked like without ever showing you their face. Every single one of the guys seemed hot.

But I couldn’t actually be considering this. This was crazy. This was a thing an actual crazy person would do, and I was not crazy.

Right?

I wasn’t crazy…but Iwasdumb enough to lie about having a long-term boyfriend, to promise to bring him to a family function, and to refuse to back down or say we’d broken up. Short of moving to Mexico, maybe this was my best bet.

I looked back at Auntie Thea and Violet. “I can’t actually do this, can I?”

“What’s stopping you?” Thea asked.

“Um, common sense? Dignity? My bank account?”

“Now is hardly the time to develop self-esteem, Quinn,” Thea said, peering at me over the top of her glasses.

“Ouch.”

“And if you’re worried about the money, I’ll cover it. It’s money that would come to you anyway when I die. Let me pay for it now and see it go to good use.”

“Go on, give two old ladies a thrill,” Violet said.

“I’ll thank you not to call me old.” Thea sent a severe glance over her shoulder at Violet.

“And I’ll remind you that no matter how long we live, you’ll always be nine months older than I am.” Violet grinned broadly back at her, then took the tablet away from me. “Here, let me fill out the request.”

“I can do—” I began, but her fingers were already moving at incredible speed across the tablet.

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