Page 67 of Playboy For Hire

“Only what? You sound like you have doubts.”

“Not about him. Not about who he is as a person, I mean. But he says he doesn’t do relationships. And I’m fine with that, honestly. I can’t help wondering if he’s using me as some sort of experiment though, because he knows I’m desperate.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, he already knows my love life is so pathetic I had to hire a fake boyfriend. What if he’s exploring his bisexuality with me because he knows I won’t turn him down? And then, once he’s figured his shit out, he’ll move onto someone better lookingwho he actually would be in a relationship with. Because it really doesn’t make sense that he’d be interested in hooking up with me.”

“Why not?” Jae-won leaned over and poked my arm. “Come on, why are you so hard on yourself? You’re hot.”

I snorted. “You sound like Ryder.”

“Well, I guess I agree with him on one thing, even if I am generally skeptical. You’re too negative about yourself.”

“I’m just going by experience.”

I tilted my head back against the fabric of the chair, staring into the blue spring sky. The wind ruffled the umbrellas standing around us. It was only April. Too cold to pretend we were at the beach, really.

“I don’t want to be a dirty secret again, you know?”

“Do you feel like Ryder’s trying to hide you?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t met any of his friends, aside from his housemates in passing. But maybe that’s normal, if we’re just hooking up?”

I wondered if Ryder would take me up on my offer to go to that awards dinner. It didn’t exactly sound fun, but I felt like I owed it to him to at least offer. And I wanted to help him out, if I could.

Jae gave me a frank look. “Do you want my honest opinion?”

“I don’t know. Do I?”

“I think you should stop seeing him.”

I looked over at Jae in surprise. I hadn’t expected him to say that. The thought filled me with anxiety, and left me feeling cold. Ryder suddenly disappearing from my life made me feel unaccountably lonely.

“What? Why?”

“Because of your reaction, right now. Look at you. You’re supposedly hooking up with no strings attached, but the moment I suggest you don’t see him again, you look like I’ve asked you to cut off your hand.”

“He’s my friend,” I protested.

“Are you sure that’s all he is?”

I didn’t have an answer for that.

“I don’t want you to get hurt,” Jae said. “You’re already worried he’s using you, and you’re not even together. I just don’t want you to get even more attached, and then have things be worse when they inevitably end.”

“Who says they’re going to end?”

“You do. That’s literally what you said you were worried about. And even if you guys do stay friends, I think that leaves a lot of potential for you to get hurt when he starts hooking up with someone else. Besides, the guy’s an escort.”

“Notan escort.”

“Which means he’s pretty good at acting and lying and telling people what they want to hear,” Jae continued, as if I hadn’t spoken “Even in a best-case scenario, how’s it gonna work? You guys confess your secret love for each other and get married, while he’s still hooking up with other people…for work?”

“He doesn’t hook up with clients,” I said defensively.

“That’s what he told you. But then he immediately proved otherwise. How can you be so sure you’re the only person he’s done that with?”

“Because he told me,” I said. But the more I thought about it, the worse Jae-won’s words made me feel. All I had to go on was Ryder’s word. I frowned. “I never said my best-case scenario was the two of us riding off into the sunset together.”

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