Page 149 of Fix You

Callum shook his head. “It’s benefitting a princess, and that’s what you are–a Kavanaugh princess.”

Jerking my chin at him, I said, “You clean up nice as well.”

“Thank you.” He smoothed his hands down his lapels. “I got a new one for the occasion considering so many eyes were going to be on me as I walked you down the aisle.”

“How considerate of you,” I mused.

“I thought as much,” he replied with a wink.

Warmth filled my chest that we were carrying on just as we had before. Maybe we were on the path to rebuilding our relationship.

As the procession music started for the bridesmaids, I took my bouquet in my hand and started for the doorway to await the wedding planner’s command. Callum shoved his hands in his pockets as he paced around the entryway.

At the thought of all the people waiting inside and their eyes on me, panic began pricking its way up my spine. I hadn’t had a full-blown panic attack in months. Probably the last one I’d had was on the plane to Sicily when I wondered if I was truly doing the right thing leaving Rafe and disappearing.

But they never went away.

There were the small ones in quiet moments. Sometimes during the day, sometimes in the dark of night. I could be in a group of people or all by myself. Even with Rafe sleeping beside me, my chest would constrict, and I would focus on seeing salty waves before me.

Sometimes it was a smell that set me off. An earthy scent like the one that night in the crypt. Or it was a voice that sounded eerily similar to Oisin’s or my father’s.

And I wasn’t saved from them inside the bedroom either. My second trip to Lust had been a disaster. A full-blown breakdownof sobbing despair that had Rafe scooping me up and taking me through the emergency exit. He was always so patient and caring with me.

With my episodes, there was never really rhyme or reason to their appearances. No day or moment was too sacred not to try to ruin.

Pinching my eyes shut, I pictured the ocean. As I breathed in and out, I imagined the waves around me.

“Maeve?”

When I opened my eyes, Callum was staring at me in concern. “Sorry. Just a slight panic attack.”

His dark brows furrowed at me. “Is there anything I can do?”

“No. I think I’ve got it under control.”

“Do those happen much anymore?”

Shaking my head, I replied, “Thankfully, no.”

Callum eyed me curiously. “They seemed to stop when Rafe came into your life.”

With a nod, I replied, “That’s why I call him my healer.”

As Callum opened his mouth, the wedding planner popped her head in. “Okay, it’s time for your grand entrance.”

When I started to pick up the hem of my dress, Callum’s arm shot out to stop me. “Wait.”

“What is it?”

“Before you do this, I need to say something I should’ve said a long time ago.”

My heart fell. “Callum, don’t–”

He held his hands up. “I can’t let you walk down that aisle without me apologizing.”

Emotions choked off my voice. “Really?”

He drew in a ragged breath. “I’m so fucking sorry for the way I acted that day at the airport. I’d like to argue that I had an excuse because I was gun-shy from Caterina’s kidnapping, but there was no excuse to say the things I did to you.”

---