Page 45 of Fix You

My own pain was forgotten with hers. “Oh Mam, how awful.”

She took my hand in hers and squeezed it. “You have your whole life in front of you, roisin. You will conquer this. And you will find the love you so rightly deserve.”

“But why not you, Mam?”

An implish glint replaced the sadness in her eyes. “I’m still a right feek, and I’m not dead yet. My love is still out there.”

I hoped and prayed it was for her. She’d endured so much abuse at my father’s hands to ensure she got to remain with us. She’d told me before of how she’d try to run away from my father when Dare was just a baby. But my bastard father had beaten her and swore that if she ever tried to run again, she’d never see her sons again. For Mam, it was a fate worse than death.

“I’ll start lighting a candle for your love, Mam,” I said.

She winked at me. “I’ll appreciate it. Lord knows I can use all the help I can get.”

“As do I.”

As she cupped my chin in her hands, she shook her head. “You, my dear, are the cream of the crop, Maeve Diana. Just like the princess I named you for, you are going to find your prince.”

Since Mam had been born in Dublin and not a part of the republic, she’d always had a fancy for royalty. She’d wanted to name me Diana for the Princess of Wales, but my father, a Northern man who despised royalty, wouldn’t let her until she lied and said it was her gran’s name. So, I became Maeve Diana–my name a defiant middle finger to my father’s control.

Mam rose off the floor and held a hand out to me. Reluctantly, I let her help pull me to my feet. “Come on. Let’s go get you cleaned up and ready for bed.”

“But what will we say if someone sees me like this?”

“Let’s really give them something to talk about and say you were absolutely steaming on whiskey and got sick.”

With a laugh, I replied, “I suppose pretending I puked because I was drunk is better than the truth.”

“Aye, I thought as much.” As she eyed the potted plant behind me, she said, “I’ll come back out after everyone’s asleep and clean that.”

“You don’t need to do that.”

“While it would be easy to pretend some pissed Irishman did it, I’d rather do it so Lorna doesn’t have to.”

As we started to the door, Mam wrapped her arm around my waist. “Are you going to tell me who the mystery man was, or will you leave me in suspense?”

“It’s better for all of us to leave him in secrecy.”

“I see.”

When I reached for the door handle, her words froze me. “Did you explain to Raphael Neretti why you reacted the way you did?”

I whirled around to stare at her. “How did you know?”

She gave me a knowing smile. “I have eyes, don’t I? I spent most of the night watching you both come alive around each other. Being absolutely enthralled at how easy the two of you interacted.”

With panic rising in me, I asked, “Do you think anyone else noticed?”

Mam shook her head. “No one sees what a mother does.”

Nodding, I glance down at my bare feet. “No, I didn’t explain. I just screamed at him to leave me even when he didn’t want to.”

Mam stepped closer to me. “Do you think it would help if you sought him out now to explain? I told Faolin the reason for my reaction.”

I furiously shook my head back and forth. “No. I’d rather leave things the way that they are.”

Frowning, Mam asked, “But why?”

I swallowed hard. “I can’t bear to see his feelings for me change.”

---