Page 22 of Our Dark Winter Wish

A branch sways into my path, and I grip it to ease my fall. My feet land in the snow, and with a bubble of excitement in my chest, I run into the forest.

The branches part as I run. Poppy has repositioned herself at my neck to enjoy the falling snow to its full effect. I laugh as I leap from protruding roots that lift to give me more height. I relish in the freedom as branches reach out for me so they can carry me over great ravines. Vines wrap around my outstretched hands so I can swing over great walls of wild brambles. The snow crunches underfoot, and I taste it as it falls from the sky. The hem of my skirt is soaked, and my hair is a mess as it falls down my back.

But fuck… this is freedom. This is real magic. Living in the wild and the wild loving you. No coven rules. No orders from elders. No expectations or limits on what I can or can’t do.

The trees know I pass. The buds on sleeping bushels bloom. And the canopy above sways as if in a slow dance.

I finally stop when I reach a secluded pool of water fed by a rushing waterfall.

Oh. I do love a waterfall. The sound of the rushing water reminds me of Archie taking my virginity.

Now… that was a good day.

I strip and place my dress over an oak branch, which lowers to take it for me.

‘Thank you,’ I tell it, my hand resting against the bark. It groans in response. ‘Off you get, Poppy. You won’t enjoy the cold.’

She slithers off me and settles on a rock.

Naked, I stand on the edge of the pool. Its edges are covered in a sheet of thin ice. I break it easily and step into the water.

‘Oh shit!’ I laugh, feeling the iciness explode in every cell.

The spray of water from the waterfall is painfully cold. But beautifully fresh. Each droplet is a reminder that I’m alive. That I’m here and free to feel. To exist in my own skin. To control it as I wish. I want to be cold. It takes me far from the heat of blood. Of Hel and her prison realm. When she took control ofmy body, I was burning. When my coven owned me, I was stifled and trapped.

Go here. Do this. Say nothing. Feel what we tell you to feel. Be fucked by who we tell you to be fucked by.

Marry your abuser and shut your mouth.

If they could see me now, naked and owning the earth magic they so coveted, they would no doubt take great pleasure in cutting off my head.

And if they tried, I would love what would happen to them if they did. Not only my retribution, but my familiar and my lovers would not be so kind as to offer them a swift death.

I take a deep breath, my lungs filling with icy air, and dive in.

My body hits the water, and it fills my ears. It fills all my senses, and when I emerge, I let out a blissfully shocked scream followed swiftly by a fierce bout of laughter.

‘FUCK!’ I laugh loudly. ‘That is fucking COLD!’ My words echo all around me, as do my continued giggles.

But wow. I feel so fucking alive! The water continues to cascade over the jutting rocks above. The snow continues to fall. And my breath lingers with every tight gasp I produce.

I swim, gliding through the water with stiff limbs and a trembling body.

And then I float, facing the grey sky above that weeps flakes of white.

I hope the guys are having fun together chasing a turkey. The idea has me smiling to myself. But then I see Cole coming at me and the look of self-hatred on Shaw’s face when he realised what he had done.

It’s not only my past that haunts us. All of our pasts do.

But my greatest pain still remains them. Their faces as my heart broke in that circle of blood and bones. Their betrayal when they forced me to bring Neve and her sisters back. Their faces as I suffered the executions of my mother and aunts.

I know that they are sorry. I know it haunts them, too.

This is why I need to replace those images with others which don’t fill me with fear.

I want to be brave when I see a knife.

I want to feel trust when their hands are at my throat, controlling my breath and blood flow.

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