If giving Ryan nothing was already bad, telling him a lie had been hell. I’d made a fool of him. I’d risked the life that he’d so carefully built for us.
I’d failed.
And I kept failing.
I tugged at the roots of my long hair like that would somehow activate my curse.
“Really?” His cold brown eyes glared into my own brown ones—courtesy of the colored contacts I always wore. “You’re starting with the dramatics like this is somehow my fault?”
Run.
I need to run away.
My brows lowered at the errant thought.
Leaving had never crossed my mind before. No matter how lonely I got. No matter how broken I felt. No matter how bad things were, I knew they could be worse.
So much worse.
Like he’d somehow read my mind and the insane idea that’d gone through it, his demeanor changed. His expression softened and warmed. His tone became gentle. “I’m just trying to help you, Aurora. I need to keep you safe from those who would harm you. If it weren’t for me…”
He didn’t finish his thought, but he didn’t have to.
The scar on my chest was a daily reminder.
Ryan pulled me into his hold, and I wanted to melt into him.
Itriedto melt into him.
Starved for the connection I rarely got, I wanted to savor being wrapped in his arms, but my mind refused to cooperate.
Run.
Run in the woods.
The woods? I hate the woods.
At my rigid body, Ryan’s own body tensed.
Unlike Pastor Gideon, Ryan didn’t use violence to deal with disrespect.
There were more effective—and far worse—methods he utilized to get me back on my godly path.
An image of me in the prayer room popped into my head.
It was originally a broom closet, but Ryan had modified it into a soundproof space. I couldn’t stand upright in it due to the shelving. I couldn’t sit comfortably due to the size. My only options were to stoop or sit with my legs curled up until my body went painfully numb.
The darkened silence was meant to give me the opportunity to pray for forgiveness, but I couldn’t take the seclusion right then. Certainly not hours of it on the empty stomach that was supposed to bring me enlightenment.
Thankfully, that image wasn’t the only one I received.
Knowing I would make him happy—that I hadn’t failed at all my duties—I smiled up in the face of his irritation. “Mr. Daniels will be up on the second level, sitting in the third row. He is going to quit his job this week, but he shouldn’t. The company will be sold off soon, and he’ll get a severance package. He just needs to be patient.”
Ryan nodded, and I could practically see the wheels turning in his head. “That’s what I’ll focus the sermon on. Everyone could use the reminder that patience is a virtue to give.” He squeezed my upper arms, and it was one step below painful.
One very small step.
“And a blessing to receive,” he finished before using his hold to march me from his office and through the house that was far too big for just the two of us.