Page 11 of Bones

I’d tried asking for a pet to keep me company, even something small like a gerbil. But Ryan didn’t like the wildlife to step a paw, hoof, or claw onto his property outside. He’d laughedin my face when I’d asked to adopt something that would live inside.

He didn’t stop propelling me backward until we stood outside of the prayer room.

Panic filled me, tightening my muscles until my bones ached. “But I?—”

“Youwhat? You waited until the last minute? You barely gave me anything? Agreed. And this isn’t the first time. It’s a pattern now, Aurora.” Ryan’s grip was firm, but his voice was tender. His wounded expression filled me with guilt because I’d let him down. But also because my evil thoughts had said to run. “I gave up everything foryou. I left my family and life behind and moved to Georgia to helpyou. Because God said this is where you needed to be. I’ve been understanding, but it’s like you’re not even trying to repent for your wickedness. And clearly, I’m not the only one who feels that way. God is unhappy.”

“Maybe the lack of visions is because He is happy,” I tried. “Maybe they’re going away because God is ending my curse.”

“I wish that were true, but the decrease is because of you. You don’t believe hard enough. Your faith in Himandmy purpose is faltering.” He inched me back. “This isn’t a punishment. This opportunity to connect with God without distraction and interruption is a gift. I only want what’s best for you. You’re lucky to have me.”

And then the door was closed, cutting off all light and sound.

I did the best I could to calm my sharp, frantic breaths as I reminded myself that Ryan protected me. He’d been doing so since the day he’d helped me escape the Gideons. He was simply doing his best to use my hellish gift for heavenly purposes in an attempt to save me. If it weren’t for him, who knew what would’ve happened to me.

Who knew what would happen to my soul.

“I need togo to church today.”

Ryan’s expression hardened at my uncharacteristic demand. “It’s my job to tell you what you need.”

I lowered my gaze to the stove as I cooked. “Of course. I’m sorry, I misspoke. Do you think I need to go to church today?”

He came up behind me, and it took everything in me not to tense. I held my breath, not wanting to smell it.

Smell her.

Whoevershewas that time.

When he’d finally released me from the prayer room late the night before, the smell of perfume and sex had clung to him. It hadn’t been the first time, and it wouldn’t be the last.

Pastor Gideon and the others under him had taught that men were base beings. That God had created them to provide and produce, and if they were led astray, it wasn’t their fault. It was their wife’s job to keep them content and other women’s jobs to not be sinful jezebels.

Since Ryan and I weren’t even married, he wasn’t breaking any vows or heavenly covenants.

With no choice but to fill my burning lungs, I inhaled and only smelled fresh soap and his favorite cologne.

“Did you get a vision yesterday?” he asked.

I didn’t.

Usually in the solitude of the prayer room, I was overwhelmed with bizarre and nonsensical visions that left me with a splitting headache and an ache that ripped apart my chest. The day before was different.

Worse.

Like my brain wanted to remind me, the only bizarre thought that’d echoed through my head hit me again.

Run.

Run in the woods.

“Yes.” I wasn’t sure if I was a good enough liar for him to believe me since it wasn’t something I ever did, but I had to try.

Usually, I loved staying home by myself—so long as the prayer room wasn’t involved. I would watch the sermons as they streamed online. Then I’d read. Take a bath. Try to revive my fledgling, mostly dead garden.

I’d do whatever I wanted to do in the quiet sprawling house.

Faith Connections leadership believed people needed to see how God had provided divine favor to his voices on Earth. No one would trust a leader who struggled paycheck to paycheck. They would think that they hadn’t earned provisions or protections. The pastors needed to show off their joy and peace and material gifts like their homes, the newest fashion, and the finest cars because all of them were God’s blessings. It proved to the flock that they were worthy of being followed and gave them something to reach for.

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