Page 117 of Piece Us Together

I lower myself to the pavement of the alley as I finish, not caring that icy water starts soaking into my jeans. I rest my elbow on my knee and my head in my hand.

“That was a lot of trauma,” he says after sitting quietly for a few seconds. “You’ve been tryin’ to shove it down, haven’t you?”

“Maybe.”

“It gets worse down there. Grows stronger while you’re not lookin’.” He sighs. “You haven’t said so yet, but I’m guessing you’ve got triggers. You’ve got hang-ups. And that’s why you don’t think you can be with this dom. Not because you don’t want to or because you’re not submissive, but because you think you’re fucking broken and you don’t think he can fix it.” He makes a soft, distressed sort of sound. “Hell, the way you talked just now, the way you told all of that—you see yourself as the fucking bad guy, don’t you? Maybe you don’t even think youdeserveto be fixed.”

The words slice through me. I hate hearing them from him. It’s so close to hearing them from Hunter.

“The thing is, youarebroken, Maison. You’re cracked right down the middle. The longer you ignore that, the more that crack grows. It’ll spider like a nick in a windshield until there’s nothing left to salvage. You need to deal with it before it gets there. It doesn’t matter that you’re broken. We all break. Everyone fucking breaks. What matters is if you’re willing to do the work to fix it. You have towantto be fixed. And even harder? You have to let the people who love you help. They can’t fix it for you, but they can make it a hell of a lot easier on ya while you fix yourself.”

I think of broken pottery and gold fusing pieces together. I think of me. Of Nolan. Of a bowl on a kitchen floor. Of scars on our skin. Scars on our hearts.

I think of Hunter. Of how his smile makes my head go quiet. Of how his words promise happy endings. Of how his touch feels like molten gold just waiting to be handed the pieces.

It’s not the first time I’ve thought maybe he can piece us back together, but it’s the first time I want him to.

God, I really want him to.

“You’re not the bad guy, Maison. You are not the villain of this story. He isn’t ever going to see you like that. The only person who does is you.”

I press my closed fist against my lips, fighting a sob. I sound breathless when I admit, “I don’t know how to stop.”

“You’ll figure it out. Let him in. Let both of them in. Figure it out together.”

It sounds so good.

Too good.

“I don’t know if he’d want me,” I whisper. Even quiet as it is, my voice still trembles. “Do the triggers go away, eventually? Will I stop being so—so fucking—so scared? Because I can’t even stomach letting him do to me most of the shit he does to Nolan. For fuck’s sake, man—I don’t even think I’ll ever be able to—to—”

“Bottom again?” he asks in that same soft, calming dom voice from before.Hunter’s is better.

My stupid fucking voice cracks when I say, “Yeah.”

“Who says you have to? Where a cock goes isn’t tied to a power dynamic. You think I haven’t ridden my sub? And even if your dom never wants to bottom either, you’ve both got your boy.” He laughs. “And anal isn’t everything, man. Plenty of healthy queer relationships don’t involve it for one reason or another.”

“I just—I want to be enough, you know?”

“Sounds like he’s already made it clear you are.”

“He doesn’t know my limits. He doesn’t even know—fuck, man, I can’t even say—I don’t think I’d want to call him sir. And I can barely stomach seeing Nolan kneel. I don’t think I’d be able to kneel myself. I don’t want to be restrained in cuffs and I don’t want to be fucking—fucking whipped. I don’t want to be fucked. For fuck’s sake, what does that even leave?”

“A lot, Maison. It leaves a lot.”

I shake my head, my eyes stinging. “But what if it’s not enough?”

“One question.”

I close my eyes, afraid of what he’s going to ask. “Okay.”

“Do you trust him?”

It’s easy. So damn easy. “With my life.”

“Then tell him all of this. Trust him to help you. Trust him to tell you what he needs and if you’re enough. Justtrusthim, Maison.”

“He’ll look at me differently.”

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